This Might Make You Uncomfortable

This might make you a little uncomfortable.  I am doing something that completely defies modern conventional
wisdom.  I am taking a little time off from looking for new ways to step out of my comfort zone. I am looking for
more ways to dip my toe back in to my beautiful and neglected comfort zone and slip in to its warm and beautiful waters.  Am I going to become boring?  Not likely. 

“Step out of your comfort zone!”  Life begins outside of your comfort zone!”  Today’s inspirational types  motivational gurus shout this at us on a daily basis in the form of social media, books, memes, and preach to us at every business or social gathering.  People are quite passionate about jamming it down your throat. Lately I feel my body tighten up and find myself cringing every time I stumble across this well-meaning phrase.I get the spirit of what they are trying to encourage. Try new things, meet new people. Challenge yourself.  I support and agree with that much.  At the same time, I have found myself separating myself from the idea that all experiences have to be earth shatteringly extreme or uncomfortable to be valid life experiences.

I have spent many years running from one adventure to another.  Some have been glorious, some have been disasters.  I don’t regret any of them.  Lately I found myself craving comfort.  Comfort to me at this exact juncture means surrounding myself with loving friends, getting the maximum possible fulfillment out of my job, my hobbies, my creative endeavors, my home, and my marriage. I am looking inwardly instead of outwardly. It’s a perspective shift that I have felt coming to me in waves over the past couple of years. 

I have always enjoyed participating in a variety of sports.  I played soccer, ran track, ice skated, swam, played softball. pretty much enjoyed all of them.  At a certain point in my life, however, I bought in to the mentality that I had to break out of these sports that I enjoyed and was pretty good at. Looking back, I would have to say that I have probably overdone the “out of the comfort zone” theory of sports for about the past ten years. It wasn’t enough for me to lift weights and do some cardio to keep in shape. The sport had to be more extreme each time. From kickboxing to extreme martial arts, to roller derby, to football, I had to prove myself time and time again as a badass.  Time after time I would push myself beyond what made sense by anyone’s standards.  Then I would be stuck doing nothing while a pesky injury healed.  Time after time. 

I took a kickboxing class at the gym.  I enjoyed that very much. I thought actual fighting would be the next
logical step to create a further challenge for myself.  I took an active fighting class that consisted mostly of men and held my own. I got hurt from time to time but kept at it.  Once I felt that I had a pretty good handle on kickboxing, I took a five hour Krav Maga martial arts fighting test that several super-fit men less than half my age couldn’t get
through.  I broke my thumb in the first five minutes. I forged through the entire active fighting test and walked out with my belt and my certificate.  It was one of the proudest moments of my life.  Less exciting was heading straight to the emergency room and enduring performing a job that completely relies on my hands without the use of a thumb. The cycle of wanting a ridiculous challenge, making it happen against all reasonable odds, and getting injured continued  through a number different extreme sports. I value the time that I spent at these pursuits and the friends that I made along the way. At the same time; I really like sports and I really didn’t like getting injured all the time.

I have always been fairly social and have made friends easily.  But I found myself tolerating groups of people that I felt completely uncomfortable with +/or disregarded by just to take myself “out of my element.” Why?  Most of the people in the world are “my element.”  So why did I go through a phase of believing that I would somehow expand my
horizons by trying to fit in with a couple of small groups of people personally and professionally that I found both
unpleasant, uncomfortable,  and in some extreme cases, awful?  I will always love meeting new people from all over the world and from all types of cultures and mindsets. The simple criterion for my comfort zone is that people will be friendly and accepting of me as well.  I am a friendly and polite person.  In most circles that is enough.  This works in the grittiest biker bar, and it works with Fortune 500 presidents, and even with groups of children that I meet through business or family. I don’t need to be involved in any “circles” where this is not enough.




 

When I was dating, I was encouraged to go out with people who I knew darned well didn’t make any sense for me.  I had fun learning about different types of people, but just like with friendships of any kind you cannot disregard that inner voice that tells you that this man, or this friend, is “home,” and this other person in your inner circle makes you feel uncomfortable and not in a good way.

Once you do settle in to a relationship or marriage, here is what is “all the rage.” If you are not getting the advertised perfection out of your marriage or relationship, get a divorce.  The sooner the better.  Break out of your comfort zone. Don’t even bother trying to work it out.  Any thoughts of how you mostly enjoy your life together should be brushed away at the first sign of imperfection. Go out there and be alone, and/or date people you don’t really click with, and whose company you don’t really enjoy because God forbid you expend any energy trying to simply communicate with your spouse or partner and improve things.

Unhappy about a situation at work?  Why not communicate, collaborate and compromise to make the situation
closer to what you want rather than storming off to do something else.  Getting a paycheck from a job you mostly like but aren’t jumping for joy about every second of every day does not mean you are a sell-out. This doesn’t mean being too lazy or timid to keep making adjustments.  It just means that you don’t write something off without first trying to fix or improve your situation, thus making it more COMFORTABLE.

I am not suggesting that you limit yourself or be afraid to try new things.  God knows I’m not and I never will be. 
I’m just suggesting that we (I!)might have gone a little too far with this concept and have begun to discount the value of trying new things that might fit instead of uncomfortable.  I also think that finding a thrill or a new twist on something already in your life is a great way to keep things interesting and fun. 

This year’s new physical pursuit: tap dancing. I love the music, I love the workout, I love the instructor, the dance
studio, and the other students.  I also feel like my good sense of rhythm and strong cardio endurance will serve me
well here. I am completely comfortable. And I love the feeling.  I look forward to going to class.  I smile just thinking about it.

I am revisiting my comfort zone in a big way. I have to say that I really like it.   I love being involved with people and pursuits that I enjoy.How about finding a pastime, job or hobby that you are actually good at and that you connect with? Trying new things should be fun, not painful. What if you picked out something you thought might enjoy for its own sake, and not because it is the hardest thing that you have ever done?  I’m not talking about staying in a bad relationship or friendship.  Just the opposite.  Im talking about being realistic about whether something needs tweaked or discarded.  Take a long hard look. First, try to make changes so it is more of what you want it to be. If it turns out that the person, place, or hobby is making you miserable, walk away and slip in to  something more comfortable.