Today's writing prompt was the word, releasing. My first thought was, what do I need to release? 
I came up with a lot of things. And then I realized that the things I came up with were things I didn't like about myself. Not so much in general, but Post-PK-sickness-and-Death-Michelle. 
I hate that I cant always do things I used to love to do. 
I hate that I cant be there for my friends like I used to. 
I hate that I'm not back in the shape I want to be in yet. 
I hate that I sometimes have sad or angry moods still. 
I hate that I'm not as creative as I used to be at my job. 
I hate that I cant do all of the charitable things I usually love to do. 
Wah-wha-wha. Oh I could go on. But this is enough examples to make the point I need to make. What if, I forgave myself for mistakes that I have made. What if I release the idea of who I wish I was again, and embraced the idea that we are all works in progress, all of our lives. I'm the best person I can be for right now, and always trying to get better. As long as I'm trying to improve, and believe me, I am. 
So I take and re-frame the list I made above in my head and release beating myself up about these things. How would that look? 
Instead of: I hate that I cant always do things I used to love to do. 
How about: I still like doing more things than most humans do. And I'm adding more and more cool new experiences every day. 

Instead of: I hate that I cant be there for my friends like I used to
How about: By most peoples standards, I'm still a pretty darned good friend to have. 

Instead of: I hate that I'm not back in the shape I want to be in yet.
How about: I'm focused on getting my health back to a peak level and actively working towards it.
 
Instead of: I hate that I sometimes have sad or angry moods still. 
How about: I've gotten a lot better at avoiding things that will bring me to The Bad Place in my head. I've also gotten better at digging myself out of it, much more quickly. (side note, one day I told my cousin that I was in The Bad Place and she asked me if that was a bar. Ha! )

Instead of: I hate that I'm not as creative as I used to be at my job. 
How about: I feel my creativity coming back in leaps and bounds, especially the last month or so. We are actively working on a lot of cool and exciting projects that will happen in 2017. 

Instead of:I hate that I cant do all of the charitable things I usually love to do. 
How about: I'm concentrating on getting myself better for a few more months, so that I will be strong and able to do a lot more good in the world before I leave it. 

There. That sounds more like the me I want to be. 

Image by Josephine Wall.
Gratitude
Today's writing prompt word was gratitude. This one is tough, only because I feel like I've almost OVER-covered this topic in past articles. So I'm going to skip all of the obvious, always be grateful type things. I'm going to skip listing the 9000 things and people I'm grateful for. And I'm going to pick just one thing. Today, I am grateful that a wonderful woman in Holland,who goes by the name Rainbow Imagine tweeted out writing prompts. She has given me my voice back. I am incredibly grateful to her. 

​humor me
Going along with something that seems stupid or pointless for the sake of the other person.

Perhaps agreeing with someone just to keep them happy. *from Urban Dictionary

Please humor me. I am not quite myself yet. It might be confusing to see me some days, so full of life and so genuinely happy. And other days, I am hardly doing a decent impression of myself. The good news is that the good days are coming a lot more frequently. The bad news is that when the bad days come, I full on panic at the depth of my sadness. 
So you'll see me on a good day, with my friends or family, and I'm clearly having a blast. And you'll think, "look at her, she's got this!" Three days later I might be sitting on the floor with my dog crying my eyes out. A couple of days somewhere in the middle will follow. My body and mind fight so hard to get my spirit back. And then when it does, I want to capitalize on that. I want to squeeze out every drop of fun and beauty and light and just, life. I imagine its confusing to watch, as I'm blessed to have a lot of people around me who care about me. 
Humor me.
Sometimes I cant drive very far. Sometimes I can.
Sometimes the idea of a huge crowd sounds like a blast. Other days, that sounds very scary to me.
Sometimes I want to be alone. Sometimes I need people I love, or even strangers around me to escape the thoughts rattling through my head. Sometimes I want to be with people because I feel like myself, and just want to enjoy their company. 
Every once in a while, I cry. Who wouldnt. Hand me a tissue. Dont make a big deal out of it, but dont ignore it either. Most times it only lasts a couple of minutes. 
Come along on my adventures. Join me when Im in the light. Ive never been more eager for fun and adventure. Having something to look forward to is also a huge help. 
Understand when I know something will trigger my grief and set me back. It might not make sense to you. Ive got eight months of this under my belt. I know when something is or is not going to be good for me. And that changes from day to day. And then changes back again. 
Humor me. Stick with me. I need all of you more than ever. 

I've always been pretty good at forgiving people who hurt me for their "sins," perceived by me. Forgiveness to me means, if you are staying in my life, I forgive you and no longer hold this, *whatever it is,* against you. I let it go. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of communication and I will almost always tell someone if what they say or do is hurting me. This last bit is new in the last 3 years. Its a better way to live. Talk about it, straighten it out, move on. If I need to separate you from my life, I still forgive you, completely. And genuinely wish you well. GENUINELY.
The hardest bit of forgiveness for me is forgiving myself. For stupid things I say and do sometimes. 
I'm getting better at it. I'm focusing on trying to be at least half as kind to myself as I am to others. Join me. Let it go. Today is a new day. Give it your best without all of yesterday's garbage dragging you down. We all get another chance to get it right, every day that we wake up on this planet. Let's do this. 

One of my best friends, Christine, painted this portrait of my beautiful dog KD Puppy for me. She has captured KD perfectly. 

This is a photo of her when she was a wee pup. Awww. 

This recent photo shows that if anything, the heart on her chest is even more defined. 
So this pup just looks like she would be a sweet little love. And she is. She leads with her heart. A stranger is only a friend she hasn't met yet. She cant wait to say hello or meet someone new. And once you are her friend, she will always greet you with happiness and excitement. Sometimes a little too much, but we have been working hard on that. She is very smart and is learning when to dial it back and with whom. 
This pup leads with love and then dials it back when she needs to. She will shower you with love if you like it, she will back way off if she senses she needs to. And if she needs to get tough, trust me she will. She'd rather not. She's happiest of all giving love. Hmm. I think thats a pretty good way to live as a human too. 

I was on Twitter the other day, and this writing prompt popped up. I decided to do it. I promised myself I wouldn't over-think it. I will just blast something out faithfully every day. At the end of the 31 days, I'm hoping Ill have found my writing voice again. And I recruited some of my writer-ly type friends to do it with me. So here it is: Day One. Love. 
LOVE. 
I've been forced to build a new life for myself. Except. Ill never ever be by myself. My family. My friends. My beloved pup. Even strangers, are on this ride with me. Catching me and helping me put myself back together when I fall. Tolerating and encouraging my adventures and shenanigans. I am blessed with big, crazy, beautiful love all around me. Every day of my life. I truly live on Love Street.