I've been hearing the song, “ I  Like That You’re Broken Like Me,” in my head.

Which begs the question: Can two broken hearts make one whole heart? That will grow back in to two, so that each has their own heart, and one that they share? 

​Or.  Are two broken hearts too much to bear when both have deeply empathetic and healing souls?

I don’t have the answer to that. I think that it could go either way. 
I guess it depends. 
​I know that my capacity to love is enormous, and hasn’t ended.

I also know that I've got a lot more work to do on myself before giving it a try. 
I am not ruling anything in or out. 

At the same time, I say to myself, on a daily basis. I could have easily driven in to the canal when Peter died.  
​I didn't stay here on this earth to live a shitty little life. 
I will embrace the gifts that The Universe sends me. And make the best possible life that I can for myself and all those around me. 
What else do we do while we are here? 

I see three choices. 
1) Walk around miserable and blocked off to the world,
2) Embrace the world and all it has to offer, and know that anyone who loves you would want you to be happy. 
3) Work on making a great life for yourself and all of The Humans, (and animals) around you. 

I am listening to a playlist called, “Calm down Michelle, and I'm glad you had a good time at dance.” It is beautiful calming music that makes me happy. All eras, all genres. I made this playlist a few years ago when I came home from dance so wound up that I was afraid that I wouldn’t sleep. Wound up in a good way. Because I love dance. Its my thing. Well. One of my things. One of my favoritest things.  

I have to take the whole summer off of dance because of a broken ankle. This made me very sad. On the other hand? I can walk. Sort of. I'm getting there. And I have my beloved pup back. And soon, right at the end of my street there will be concerts, music festivals, an art fest, a farmers market, a classic car show, food trucks, and lots+ lots of music, all at the beautiful scenic water. If you’ve been following along, you're aware that #WeLiveInAMagicalPlace. 

Kind of like, the other day, I tried to take Miss KD Puppy to daycare. I was blocked at every turn because of road construction. I could be angry and annoyed because of inconvenience and delay, or I can be happy that they are fixing the road. 

Im getting better. My body and my head. And the road is getting help. And getting better. I choose to be happy and appreciate the good. Im not sure if Im climbing out of the rabbit hole, or in to a new and better one. But Im very consciously choosing to have a good life. 

Oh, how we have sorted stuff out at work. It was really difficult, but we have figured out a plan that we never would’ve, had we not faced some bumps. 

 
I  have sorted out my free time, so that its either something I enjoy, or a cause I believe in, or something that helps my mental or physical health. 

And that’s the best I can do for now. I have good days and bad. I hit HARD roadblocks. And then I either ask for help, or help myself, depending. 

​Ill dance again in the fall. But right now, I am excited just to walk. I am pretty sure this is a metaphor for everything in my life. 

This article in Positively Positive crossed my path this morning while I was watching the Royal Wedding this morning, and perusing social media. The article encourages the reader to take some time and create a set of, "commandments," that will be a template for the way that you want to live your life.  This struck me as an interesting exercise as I rebuild my life. 
The writer, Gretchen Rubin, encourages us to take our time and think very clearly about this. She took several months to put hers together. I dashed mine off before Meghan and Harry even had their first kiss. I guess that I am surprisingly clear about what I want my life to look like. 

I found this to be a very valuable exercise. I will feel free to add to, or delete from my list when I darned well feel like it. This is a template very specific to me. This is my list, after all. Who is gonna stop me? 

Here is my list of Twelve Personal Commandments:
 
Always look for ways to help others. Always ask for help when you need it.
 
Listen. Make it about the person speaking. Understand. Care. Be a safe place for friends, family, and strangers.
 
Give your all in business. Continue to make it a place of music, culture, charity, and fun. Be prosperous and generous.
 
Give people the benefit of the doubt. Look for the best in people, and even help them to find it for themselves. But trust your nose for nonsense of any kind. It is eerily accurate.
 
Replenish your spirit with exercise, art, music, travel, time in nature, time at the water, time with the beloved pup.  
 
Spend time with people and in situations that make you feel good, happy, and like your best self.
Distance yourself, with kindness, from people +/or situations that are not good for you.
 
Be yourself. You are not, “too much.”  Don’t squash yourself down to meet others.
 
Acknowledge your feelings, and feel them. Pain, anger, love, joy. Experience them; don’t smash them in an effort to make others more comfortable.
 
Create. Create. Create.
 
Make your home an oasis of beauty, calm, and love.
 
Stay vulnerable, + don’t hide it. It’s a big part of what makes you, YOU.
 
Love outrageously!!!
 
 

I hope that if you've taken the time to read this far, that you will dash off your own Twelve Personal Commandments. If you do, please let me know, and share if you wish. 

Sending you all outrageous love.