I sometimes ask God why.
I talk to you up in heaven like you are here and ask you to come back.
I get dressed. I take KD Puppy out. Thank God for her.
Then I go to work, or I go and do whatever plans Ive made, trying to hold myself together the best that I can.
I have pockets of a few minutes each day where its just normal, not grieving me.
The rest of the day, I spend thinking about how you would have loved this little meal, this little conversation. How even if we were not together, which was rare, I would have enjoyed telling you about it later.
I hate being alone.
I hate being with other people.
I hate being away from home.
I hate being home.
Each day I hope that tomorrow wont be quite as bad.
I go to bed early, hoping that I can conjure you up in sleep. I hug my pillows and blankets like I used to hug you all night.
I fall asleep from exhaustion.
I wake up every morning happy, It takes me a few seconds to remember that you are gone and that you are never coming back.