Part of what we do at Denton Cottier and Daniels is give beginning piano lessons to adults.  We started this program a couple of years ago. 
It has been very popular and lots of fun for our clients and for us. It’s
 a great way for them to get started making music and having fun.

 


One particular man called the very first time that we put the piano lesson ad in the Buffalo News. He had wanted to take piano lessons his whole life.  He was very excited at the prospect of getting started.  He told me about how he had been thinking about this throughout his life.  He had more questions about the teaching
methods we would be using, the number of students in the class, what the room
looked like, who would be in the class, and what would take place than any other
person who called about these classes.
  
Cheerfully, I explained in full detail what he could expect, the teacher’s background, the store history, and any other concerns he mentioned. He was very interested but wanted to think about it. 
 
He did not sign up for our first session. I kept him on the list to call for the second session.  When the time came to form our second level one class, I called him and asked whether he was ready to get started.  He had more questions, even came in and looked at the book, the room, and we talked extensively about how the class works. 
Still, he wanted to mull it over. 

This process was repeated about every six weeks over the past couple of years with some variation on the questions. I should probably mention that this man was a semi-retired physician.  He had the time available, and our fee of $99 for 8 weeks of lessons including the book was well within his means.  He spoke wistfully and with great longing about his desire to play the piano. I called him earlier this week to see whether he would like to (finally) start group piano with our new Saturday
 class.  There was a recording at his office, “due to the unexpected death of Dr____, Dr ____ will be taking his patients.”

My first reaction was disappointment.  This man waited his whole life to take piano lessons.  In the time we spent talking about it, he could have spent the last two years of his life playing and enjoying the piano. The more I thought about it, I felt a bit angry with the guy.  I couldn’t shake it.  I was mad at him for spending his whole life thinking about this and not doing it. 

All of this got me wondering, what is it that makes some of us jump right in, and others reticent and fearful of new
experiences?  I am convinced that there is a genetic component, but also a learned behavior component of the
decision making process in approaching new experiences.

Growing up I watched my parents’ approach to seeing a new experience that interested them, the time it took to investigate and see whether they were truly interested, and actually doing said
activity.  Here is the process that I saw them use, and have emulated:


 

1)See or hear about some new experience I am potentially
  interested in trying. 

2)Learn a little more about what is involved.

3)Can I afford it? (No? Can I realistically save up for it? )

4) Am I physically capable of doing it? (No? Can I make myself
physically capable of doing it through training or over time?)

5)Can I fit this in to my schedule? (No? Can I adapt my schedule
to make this possible?)

6) All of the above are met? Im doing it.  Im not thinking about it or talking about it. 
Ive probably done it and moved on to something else while others are standing around and doing more research. 

In the last 10 years of my life alone I have:
Learned to play tennis 
Got my motorcycle license
Learned kickboxing 
Went tubing in my pajamas ( I just threw that in there for fun,
but yes I really did it.)
Ran wine tours
Learned to ski
Learned to ride a horse
Learned photography and had photos in prestigious exhibitions
Traveled extensively
Learned the martial art Krav Maga
Learned to ice skate
Learned to roller skate
Played roller derby
Did the Ride for Roswell
Attempted guitar (Fail. But at least I tried!)
Played bongos (Love!)
Tried yoga (hated it)
Learned country line dancing (fun!)
Tried every ethnicity’s cuisine that I had the opportunity to try
Learned how to fundraise and set fundraising records for two organizations
Learned wheatpasting
Built websites (I had no idea what I was doing. I figured it out as I did it.  Literally.)
Set up 10 Facebook pages for various businesses, including ours
Started a blog
Wrote for magazines and newspapers
Successfully hosted functions I had no experience, and probably no business hosting 
Learned public speaking
Tried my hand at bartending
Changed my hair color at least five times
Helped quite a few musicians get their “first breaks.”
Learned to tapdance (LOOOOOOOOVVVVEEE!!!)

I came to the conclusion that I won the lottery or hit the jackpot with my parents.  They taught me that you don’t have a long bucket list because you do the stuff.   If you don’t know how,and you really want to
do it, you find someone who does. If I had grown up learning to mull things over ad nauseum, I would have missed out on a lot!

My mother went to college for Fine Art after we were all grown up.  She got straight As.  Her artwork has won countless awards and been shown in galleries all over the world including the Albright. 

My father takes risks in our business that men 1/3 of his age would shrink away from. He embraces technology and never gets stuck in an
outdated model of our business. He also finds a way of making the most mundane experience fun, but that’s another story for another day.

 


Both of my parents are always ready to learn something new.  Today. That was what I learned growing up and my life is so much richer for it.

Tomorrow might not come! Learn that new thing, travel to that new place.  Do it!  Don’t be a Dr___.  Be a Jim and Georgia Trimper.

I found myself in a full power sprint to make it to my BUF gate in time.  I made it with a few minutes to spare only to find that the flight was delayed.  I amused myself prowling around the shop and found these oh-so-me sunglasses.  I decided to go get some breakfast.

I was enjoying my vegetable omelet when I noticed a sort of handsome grey-haired politician on a full profanity-filled spitting, almost growling rant on his phone.  He was talking about this article:    http://niagara-gazette.com/local/x1533630524/Council-majority-worries-over-influence-of-Buffalo-philanthropic-groups-refuses-to-accept-funds.     I cant say that I blame him for being annoyed with this situation.  He had me laughing so hard with the insults that he was hurling in his description of the situation to the other person on the phone.  Insults so politically incorrect that I don’t feel comfortable putting them in writing.  When he completed his call, he looked up in horror to notice me blatantly staring at him, realizing that I had heard most of his conversation.  I gave him a cheer with my coffee to let him know that I “got it.”  “God Bless America!”I said. I got a nice laugh out of him. I felt like maybe I had lightened up a stressful day a bit for him. I laughed halfway to NYC thinking over his insults and hoping that I remembered them later to share with people I thought would get it.

The time spent with my colleagues and our clients went swimmingly.  This is a substantial purchase from a client that we have been working with for over 10 years.  The clients were excited and extremely happy with their purchase. We were all feeling good about our day. 

My work day ended early and I took a car to the airport with them, laughing and joking about everything from
spittoons to chewing tobacco.  As we pulled in to the airport, our Town Car driver took the time to roll down the
window and yell at a limo driver who he felt was not following procedure making a dropoff.

“You’re a limo driver, you’re a LIMO DRIVER?”
“Yes.”
"NO, you’re a
*expletive!*  A dumb, stupid
*expletive.* “ “You’re no limo driver!”  

We all had a fabulous laugh and hugs all the way around as we went to our separate terminals.  I was alone as I
strolled in to Delta to check in. I was about 3 hours early for my flight, but that was fine with me.  I had a nice
book to read, and I was just thrilled at the success of the day.

 I stopped in to Slip Mahoney's Irish pub and sat quietly sipping a drink,
reading my book and nibbling on an appetizer of an interesting bean-based chili with Fritos lining the middle of the bowl. My quiet time was
short-lived.  In walked a brother and sister worthy of a Saturday Night Live skit. I am guessing that they were in their mid-sixties.  The sister walked right up to a clearly gay twenty something man and put her arm around him. 

“Hey honey, ya got a girlfriend?” 
“Um,no.” 
“Do you want one?”
‘Um, its complicated,” he said.  

 If you know me for five minutes you know that at the sight of this I launched in to a loud laughing fit and made a complete spectacle of myself. 
 
Meanwhile, the brother told me about his various girlfriends and wives over the years, and about what he did and did not want in a mate.  The gay guy scampered off and the sister came over to tell me more about her brother's various ex-wives and girlfriends in alarmingly descriptive yet fascinating detail.  The sister took off in search of another twenty something. I decided it was time to relocate with some coffee.
 

I went over to the gate armed with coffee and my book and sat down for a while.  Shortly I heard the words that every traveler dreads but are somewhat inevitable at LGA: Your flight is delayed two hours.  

I was absolutely determined to find a way to enjoy the time imposed by this delay.  You have probably seen the massage chairs in the middle of the airport.  I was pretty skeptical about whether I could relax enough for this to work straddling a chair in the middle of chaos.I was also fairly skeptical about the skill level of the women doing the massages.  How good could an airport massage be?  The woman was about the size of a large pen. 

She sounded alarmed when she started.
 “Oh my God."
*Long pause……..*
"Oh my God. You NEED this.”  
  
She pulled the tension from my neck, back, arms, hands and head.  She beat the tar out of me.  When she was done I felt fantastic.  I kind of wanted to stay in that chair forever, but I pulled my face out of the donut hole they put it in and got reacquainted with the chaos around me. 

Strolling a bit with my head foggy from the massage, I found that LGA Delta terminal has a new set up in the middle of the gates.  It sort of looks like a sushi bar.  There are Ipads free to use, and you can order food and drinks from those Ipads and pay right there with your credit card.  You can plug in your phone to charge too, all within full view of your gate.  I pulled up a seat.

There was a guy to my right, a young salesman that reminded me of my brother Steve when he was in
 high school.    Kind of like a Ferris Bueller-type character.  Steve is still extremely fun loving, but this guy had the over-the-top humor, gestures, and volume that most of us tone down a bit by the time we reach our thirties.  He asked about my day, and we toasted and celebrated my success. 

To my left was a forty-something guy that reminded me of my brother Steve when he is in work mode. Steve has a pretty serious job, and he is a very formidable and tough negotiator.  I hear this guy to my left on the phone and think, “Ive got high school-college  Steve on my right and Ive got work Steve on my left.”  The guy was an attorney making a deal.I almost felt sorry for whoever he was dealing with on the phone.  When his business call was finished, he wanted to know what the cheering and clinking of glasses was about and joined in. 

“I had a successful day
too.  Its time for a party in this
little corner of LGA,” he said. 
“Work hard play hard,” he added.

 I ordered a really nice glass of wine and some avocado toast.  Avocado toast is bread with smashed avocado, chili flakes, and lot of garlic.  Oh my goodness. Heavenly. We shared stories about our jobs, our towns, our
families. The LGA Delta Ipads at this area have a feature that monitors your flight while you are sitting there. 
We all monitored our flights and were hardly phased when all three of our flights were further delayed. 
We were all having a great time until I heard my name being paged.  It turns out that as fabulous as the
whole Ipad setup is, you really cant count on them to monitor your flight.  I ran off with hurried goodbyes to my
new friends and dashed over to just barely make the flight. I was the last person to sit down.

I was pleasantly suprised that my flight seat mate was a wonderful Canadian woman who happened to be dating someone who lives a block from my house.  Small world! 
She asked me about good places in walking distance. 
 
We exchanged information and agreed to meet at this delightful Tiki bar, at Stockmans on Transit Road some time in the summer.  
 


 

A friend posted this Kurt Vonnegut quote on Facebook today.  I think it pretty much sums up the day.

Recently a column was written by Jennifer L. S. Weber, one of my closest friends, about some of the people who inspire her. I was honored to be among those listed. Read the entire column here: http://allthingsjennifer.wordpress.com/2013/01/17/people-who-inspire-me/ As you can see, I was in very good company!

I was even more honored when I read the specific paragraph written about me. Jenny wrote:

I paused and reflected about this paragraph written by somebody whose opinion I deeply respect, and who knows me well enough to know me very, very well. The fact that she sees me like this makes me think that I am doing something right.  This is exactly how I would hope to behave, and how I would aspire to have the world see me.

Shortly after Jennifer wrote this post, I got hit with some tough life blows.  Some were new, and some were just an accumulation of some “figurative garbage” finally erupting like a volcano. The kind of things that shake your confidence and make you question who you are.  I wanted to sit down and write about these things.  But then I realized that for me, writing about something, anything, gives it life.  For better or for worse, it extends the life of the experience and the memory.  

Some writers do a wonderful job of writing about painful experiences and
making the reader feel empathy or inspiration that these situations can be overcome, turned around, or left behind. I have discovered that I am not that kind of writer. I am not even that kind of human.

I am often asked what makes me so relentlessly positive, optimistic, and hopeful through all of life’s ups and downs. Most days I feel that way. Some days I just “act is if,” and before you know it I am feeling strongly and confidently again. 

The answer for me is not to pretend that hurtful things or misunderstandings sorrow and pain never happen.  Shaking them off sometimes takes every drop of determination that I can scrape up.  I live this mostly happy sunny life by making a conscious effort to keep myself happy and sunny.  That is my job alone.  Most days it’s a reflex.  Some days it just is not that easy. Some days it is torture to get myself there. For me, the results are worth the effort. It is
always worth it.

Music. Lots and Lots of It. 

 
I actively listen to music. If I am in a bad place, classical orchestral or piano music is the way to go.  You don’t get bogged down in somebody else’s words. If I just need a boost, I will queue up some old songs that have good memories associated with them.  A little gloomy?  Some Bob Marley is always good for an attitude boost. Regular old already-cheery day?  Could be anything.  I like everything from Rockabilly to Alternative to Metal to Country to Opera. I shop every genre on my music player. I do a lot of music lists like, “Makes Me Think of Summer,” “Makes Me Want to Dance,””Beautiful Harmonies,” ”Steamy and Sultry.” I start every workday by creating a playlist to set the tone for my
day.

I go out and hear live music.  All the time.  Lots and lots and lots of it.  I feel inspired by the musicians and the energy of the music.

I play musical instruments. Playing the piano takes full concentration.  The music evokes a mood.  The movement and thought process takes me away from any stress or worry that I might be fighting with in my mind.  I also like playing my bongo drums along with my favorite tunes.  There is something cathartic about banging a drum with my bare hands.

I sing along in my car.  Loudly.  And probably badly.  Who cares, its just me, with the sunroof down once it hits 45 degrees outside. 
 

Exercise.
 I am lucky to be a lover of many, many kinds of sports including biking, all kinds of skating, weight training, swimming.  I have enjoyed solitary sports and group sports for most of my life. Getting outdoors and getting some fresh air is also good for my soul.

Dance.  
I have recently rediscovered dance.  I had forgotten how much I love dancing in the many forms that I have tried over the years.  My most recent styles attempted have included country line dancing, tap, and jazz. 
 
I seem to like tap dance most of all.  I start smiling on the drive to class, and I don’t stop smiling through the class, the drive home, the bath,and climbing in to bad on tap night. Ive stumbled on to something very enjoyable and mood elevating for me. 

Laugh. 
I will seek out books, movies, or occasionally television shows that I know will make me laugh. I love intelligent, well-written humor like a David Sedaris book.  I also dig a good buffoonish Will Ferrell, Jim Carey, or even “Hangover” movie. I loved the stupidity of “Anchor Man.”

Friends.
I actively seek out people and situations that are fun and positive. My closest friends are a happy bunch.  I don’t mean that they never have any problems.  I mean that they like to have fun.  They like me.  They make me feel good about myself just be being with them.  They are supportive and encouraging.  They also all have killer senses of humor, mischief, and adventure. They don’t spend their lives dwelling on what is wrong with the world or wrong with me.

 


No.
I do my best to actively avoid people and situations that make me feel unhappy, sad, or badly about myself.  
 I dont watch or read  the news if I am in a particularly challenging time. I dont watch war or disease movies. I dont list to music that encourages oramplifies a bad mood or depressed feeling.  I am learning to actively avoid
situations that for whatever reason, suck the life out of me.  This item needs a lot more attention and work than all of the others combined. I am getting better at it.

 
 

Appreciate.
 I am very appreciative of all of the amazing gifts in my every day life. 
I start every day with a prayer of thanks focusing on all of the good.  I pray for something that I might be working towards.  I give thanks at the end of the day for all of the good parts of the day that has passed. My prayers are positive and hopeful. 

Shake it off. 

If something hurts me or offends me, I shake it off.  I try to visualize physically shaking that problem or person off, like brushing some dirt off my shoulder. If some project doesn’t work out the way I planned after lots of hard work, shake it off and I start something new and fresh.  Or I revisit the project in a new way without looking back. 

 Bad behavior by others, hurtful and insensitive behavior, selfishness encountered in the world, in the workplace, among friends, family, even at home. Disappointment, pain, and loss. We all deal with it from time to time. I force myself to shake it off like yesterday’s dust. I forgive the people and situations that caused me pain and move on with my life.   If I keep the person in my life, I dust off their perceived offense and try to forget about it.  In the rare case I need to leave the person behind, I do that as well. I wish no one any ill-will or bad karma. I do my best to leave hurt or disappointment of any kind behind me.   

Seize the day.

I take vacations., I don’t just talk about it.  I see my friends and family. I dress up and go for lovely meals.  I go to the parade and dance on the street with the bands. I wear the costumes.  I do crazy things with my hair.  I’m in for a backyard slip n slide or a game of football. I make every day in to a celebration.  I use the good glasses. I drink the good champagne. I Iight the candles. I buy fresh flowers. I smile at everybody. I keep my eyes out for ways that I can help others. Every day is exactly what I make of it, and my mood is my responsibility.

  

I see the best in other people and in the world.  I dwell in the positive
aspects of life. This is what works for me.  Thank you, Jennifer L.S. Weber for making me see this in myself.

What is so special about “The Syracuse Girls?”  



I moved to Syracuse for a couple of short years for business.  This was the first time in my life that I had lived outside the Western New York area.  Used to a strong social network of friends and family, I was very much “out there on my own” in a way that I had never experienced.  In the first couple of months, it really didn’t matter all that
much. There was a lot of work to be done.  I needed to focus all of my time and attention there. 

Once I had business things somewhat under control, I joined a nice local gym and started doing the normal business networking type activities.  I was sort of biding my time until I could move back to the Buffalo area. I went on a few dates here and there.  I was unhappy in my apartment and mentioned this to a very nice man, Tom, who I was dating
casually at the time.  “You have to meet my cousin, Bonnie. She is looking for a tenant at her townhouse. She will
also live at the townhouse on weekends too.“  I was completely against any type of roommate situation.  Thank goodness Tom was persistent.  He kept bringing it up, “Just meet her.  You will like each other.  Living situation aside, I absolutely insist that you meet her.”  "OK, Tom, FORTHELOVEOFGOD, I will meet her.'  I wasn’t expecting much.  I even brought my father with me the day that I arranged to meet Bonnie.  

Bonnies on the left, Im in the middle, and Debs on the right.

Five minutes in to our meeting, Bonnie and I left my father behind and took a tour, blabbing away. We were instant friends. I moved in to the townhouse shortly thereafter.  Debbie and Sandy were already close friends of Bonnie, and we formed a pretty formidable gang of four almost immediately.  We were all single, successful if new in our careers, fun-loving adventurous musketeers.  We went to concerts, art shows, went dancing, and went for cocktails.  We had crazy fun adventures and in some cases were lucky to live to tell the stories.

At some point, our business brought me back to Western New York.  I sure missed my friends and family back here, but really hated to leave our very special and unique group of friends in Syracuse behind. But something really amazing happened.  We never lost our friendship.  We never stopped making time for each other.  We never stopped arranging trips or meeting places.  We attended each other’s weddings, special birthdays, and got together just because we missed each other. Over time, Sandy moved a couple of times, eventually settling in Washington DC.  Bonnie moved a few times, eventually settling in Ft Lauderdale Florida. Debbie made a beautiful home in a suburb of Syracuse with her amazing family.   It is pretty easy to lose touch with each other through weddings, moves, and just some pretty big careers. It takes four people to make sure that never happens. 

What is so special about Bonnie?  Bonnie has certainly climbed to the top of her career in the financial industry. 
She has carved out a pretty great life with her husband Bob in Fort Lauderdale.  She sees a way to take her life to the next level and boldly does it. No second guessing, no hesitation. She also never stopped wanting to plan time to laugh, have fun, and just sit around and talk with us.  Bonnie is beautiful, smart and inspiring in the way that she lives her life.  She is also the kind of friend you want on your side when you are feeling less than 100% about yourself
or need help or advice of any kind.  She will look you right in the face and tell you exactly what you need to
hear.

What is so special about Debbie?  Debbie is one of the best mothers I have ever seen.  She adores her
kids and makes sure that they have the best of everything but are kind, down to earth, polite and solid.  They are
lucky to have her as a mom.  She adores her husband too.  Debbie a very talented interior designer and helps businesses plan their furniture and other aspects of design.  With all of this going on, you would wonder whether she would find the time or even have interest in us friends from long ago.  She not only embraces our trips and reunions, she has hosted several of them at her beautiful home.  Not only has she never forgotten how to have fun, she absolutely insists that you do the same.  Debbie is a responsible loving member of society who will never get old and never forget how to have a blast. She also has a pretty great habit of seeing the best in people. 

What is so special about Sandy?  Sandy is a very smart, serious and career minded woman.  Sandy has been very successful in the accounting world. Sandy is also one of the kindest humans that walk the planet.  She is funny,mischievous and smart. You can trust Sandy with your deepest secret and you can trust her to be right there with you when you come with a ridiculous plan to stop at a biker bar or old school lounge.  

You can trust all of these beautiful and smart women to:
1)Pick you up when you are down
2)Make you laugh
3)Laugh at your jokes
4)Make you see the best in yourself
5)Have fun doing anything; or nothing
6)Never impose their agenda on the life that you should have.  They celebrate you
and your life.
7)Answer the phone and bring bail money if you called them at 4AM

In summary, you can take them anywhere.  These women are at home at a symphony board dinner or private club, meeting captains of industry and going to the grungiest of concerts, a diner, a bowling alley or a dive bar.  They are some of the best people this planet has to offer.  They are my honorary sisters and lifelong friends.  I am honored to be among them. Thank you, Tom Greenwood.  You gave me the gift of the friendships of a lifetime in them. 

This might make you a little uncomfortable.  I am doing something that completely defies modern conventional
wisdom.  I am taking a little time off from looking for new ways to step out of my comfort zone. I am looking for
more ways to dip my toe back in to my beautiful and neglected comfort zone and slip in to its warm and beautiful waters.  Am I going to become boring?  Not likely. 

“Step out of your comfort zone!”  Life begins outside of your comfort zone!”  Today’s inspirational types  motivational gurus shout this at us on a daily basis in the form of social media, books, memes, and preach to us at every business or social gathering.  People are quite passionate about jamming it down your throat. Lately I feel my body tighten up and find myself cringing every time I stumble across this well-meaning phrase.I get the spirit of what they are trying to encourage. Try new things, meet new people. Challenge yourself.  I support and agree with that much.  At the same time, I have found myself separating myself from the idea that all experiences have to be earth shatteringly extreme or uncomfortable to be valid life experiences.

I have spent many years running from one adventure to another.  Some have been glorious, some have been disasters.  I don’t regret any of them.  Lately I found myself craving comfort.  Comfort to me at this exact juncture means surrounding myself with loving friends, getting the maximum possible fulfillment out of my job, my hobbies, my creative endeavors, my home, and my marriage. I am looking inwardly instead of outwardly. It’s a perspective shift that I have felt coming to me in waves over the past couple of years. 

I have always enjoyed participating in a variety of sports.  I played soccer, ran track, ice skated, swam, played softball. pretty much enjoyed all of them.  At a certain point in my life, however, I bought in to the mentality that I had to break out of these sports that I enjoyed and was pretty good at. Looking back, I would have to say that I have probably overdone the “out of the comfort zone” theory of sports for about the past ten years. It wasn’t enough for me to lift weights and do some cardio to keep in shape. The sport had to be more extreme each time. From kickboxing to extreme martial arts, to roller derby, to football, I had to prove myself time and time again as a badass.  Time after time I would push myself beyond what made sense by anyone’s standards.  Then I would be stuck doing nothing while a pesky injury healed.  Time after time. 

I took a kickboxing class at the gym.  I enjoyed that very much. I thought actual fighting would be the next
logical step to create a further challenge for myself.  I took an active fighting class that consisted mostly of men and held my own. I got hurt from time to time but kept at it.  Once I felt that I had a pretty good handle on kickboxing, I took a five hour Krav Maga martial arts fighting test that several super-fit men less than half my age couldn’t get
through.  I broke my thumb in the first five minutes. I forged through the entire active fighting test and walked out with my belt and my certificate.  It was one of the proudest moments of my life.  Less exciting was heading straight to the emergency room and enduring performing a job that completely relies on my hands without the use of a thumb. The cycle of wanting a ridiculous challenge, making it happen against all reasonable odds, and getting injured continued  through a number different extreme sports. I value the time that I spent at these pursuits and the friends that I made along the way. At the same time; I really like sports and I really didn’t like getting injured all the time.

I have always been fairly social and have made friends easily.  But I found myself tolerating groups of people that I felt completely uncomfortable with +/or disregarded by just to take myself “out of my element.” Why?  Most of the people in the world are “my element.”  So why did I go through a phase of believing that I would somehow expand my
horizons by trying to fit in with a couple of small groups of people personally and professionally that I found both
unpleasant, uncomfortable,  and in some extreme cases, awful?  I will always love meeting new people from all over the world and from all types of cultures and mindsets. The simple criterion for my comfort zone is that people will be friendly and accepting of me as well.  I am a friendly and polite person.  In most circles that is enough.  This works in the grittiest biker bar, and it works with Fortune 500 presidents, and even with groups of children that I meet through business or family. I don’t need to be involved in any “circles” where this is not enough.




 

When I was dating, I was encouraged to go out with people who I knew darned well didn’t make any sense for me.  I had fun learning about different types of people, but just like with friendships of any kind you cannot disregard that inner voice that tells you that this man, or this friend, is “home,” and this other person in your inner circle makes you feel uncomfortable and not in a good way.

Once you do settle in to a relationship or marriage, here is what is “all the rage.” If you are not getting the advertised perfection out of your marriage or relationship, get a divorce.  The sooner the better.  Break out of your comfort zone. Don’t even bother trying to work it out.  Any thoughts of how you mostly enjoy your life together should be brushed away at the first sign of imperfection. Go out there and be alone, and/or date people you don’t really click with, and whose company you don’t really enjoy because God forbid you expend any energy trying to simply communicate with your spouse or partner and improve things.

Unhappy about a situation at work?  Why not communicate, collaborate and compromise to make the situation
closer to what you want rather than storming off to do something else.  Getting a paycheck from a job you mostly like but aren’t jumping for joy about every second of every day does not mean you are a sell-out. This doesn’t mean being too lazy or timid to keep making adjustments.  It just means that you don’t write something off without first trying to fix or improve your situation, thus making it more COMFORTABLE.

I am not suggesting that you limit yourself or be afraid to try new things.  God knows I’m not and I never will be. 
I’m just suggesting that we (I!)might have gone a little too far with this concept and have begun to discount the value of trying new things that might fit instead of uncomfortable.  I also think that finding a thrill or a new twist on something already in your life is a great way to keep things interesting and fun. 

This year’s new physical pursuit: tap dancing. I love the music, I love the workout, I love the instructor, the dance
studio, and the other students.  I also feel like my good sense of rhythm and strong cardio endurance will serve me
well here. I am completely comfortable. And I love the feeling.  I look forward to going to class.  I smile just thinking about it.

I am revisiting my comfort zone in a big way. I have to say that I really like it.   I love being involved with people and pursuits that I enjoy.How about finding a pastime, job or hobby that you are actually good at and that you connect with? Trying new things should be fun, not painful. What if you picked out something you thought might enjoy for its own sake, and not because it is the hardest thing that you have ever done?  I’m not talking about staying in a bad relationship or friendship.  Just the opposite.  Im talking about being realistic about whether something needs tweaked or discarded.  Take a long hard look. First, try to make changes so it is more of what you want it to be. If it turns out that the person, place, or hobby is making you miserable, walk away and slip in to  something more comfortable.  
 

 

Forbes Magazine posted this article today: The Most Outrageous and Most Common Job Interview Mistakes.

This got me thinking about some of the more amusing job interviews that we have conducted here at Denton Cottier & Daniels. My father, brother, and I are in business together.  My father and I usually conduct the job interviews together. This is great for the person being interviewed because we like to make it a fun and positive experience whether the person ends up working here or not.  The down side is that if something is ridiculous, its a lot harder to hold in your laughter when there is another person in the room LOLing on the inside with you. Here are a few of my favorites, in no particular order:

1) The woman who randomly blurted out, "I got this suit at KMart!" in the middle of the interview.  I could not hold back, and did burst out laughing.  I had to leave the room and get myself together.  My poor dad had to sit there alone with her awkwardly for a few minutes. 

2) The guy who told us that their former employer "had to be the BOSS all the time!"

3) The guy who asked me for a date as I walked him to the door after the interview.

4) The woman who reeked of booze. (Trust me, we have nothing against booze.  Just not in the morning, at a job interview.)

5) The woman who told us she that hated piano music.   Its like interviewing at Hershey and saying that you hate chocolate.

6) The person who answered their cell phone. "Sorry, I gotta take this."

7) The man who brought his wife to the interview.  Whats next, his mom?

8) The man who kept loudly talking over my dad and interrupting him. I have to admit, this was so awkward that I just loved it.  Im sitting there knowing that my dad is mentally backhanding the guy, and the guy thinks he is "killing it," in a good way. 

9) The woman who told us that she could not work Saturdays because she had a standing hair appointment on Saturday afternoons.
 
10) The guy who kept calling my dad, "Dude."