Part of what we do at Denton Cottier and Daniels is give beginning piano lessons to adults.  We started this program a couple of years ago. 
It has been very popular and lots of fun for our clients and for us. It’s
 a great way for them to get started making music and having fun.

 


One particular man called the very first time that we put the piano lesson ad in the Buffalo News. He had wanted to take piano lessons his whole life.  He was very excited at the prospect of getting started.  He told me about how he had been thinking about this throughout his life.  He had more questions about the teaching
methods we would be using, the number of students in the class, what the room
looked like, who would be in the class, and what would take place than any other
person who called about these classes.
  
Cheerfully, I explained in full detail what he could expect, the teacher’s background, the store history, and any other concerns he mentioned. He was very interested but wanted to think about it. 
 
He did not sign up for our first session. I kept him on the list to call for the second session.  When the time came to form our second level one class, I called him and asked whether he was ready to get started.  He had more questions, even came in and looked at the book, the room, and we talked extensively about how the class works. 
Still, he wanted to mull it over. 

This process was repeated about every six weeks over the past couple of years with some variation on the questions. I should probably mention that this man was a semi-retired physician.  He had the time available, and our fee of $99 for 8 weeks of lessons including the book was well within his means.  He spoke wistfully and with great longing about his desire to play the piano. I called him earlier this week to see whether he would like to (finally) start group piano with our new Saturday
 class.  There was a recording at his office, “due to the unexpected death of Dr____, Dr ____ will be taking his patients.”

My first reaction was disappointment.  This man waited his whole life to take piano lessons.  In the time we spent talking about it, he could have spent the last two years of his life playing and enjoying the piano. The more I thought about it, I felt a bit angry with the guy.  I couldn’t shake it.  I was mad at him for spending his whole life thinking about this and not doing it. 

All of this got me wondering, what is it that makes some of us jump right in, and others reticent and fearful of new
experiences?  I am convinced that there is a genetic component, but also a learned behavior component of the
decision making process in approaching new experiences.

Growing up I watched my parents’ approach to seeing a new experience that interested them, the time it took to investigate and see whether they were truly interested, and actually doing said
activity.  Here is the process that I saw them use, and have emulated:


 

1)See or hear about some new experience I am potentially
  interested in trying. 

2)Learn a little more about what is involved.

3)Can I afford it? (No? Can I realistically save up for it? )

4) Am I physically capable of doing it? (No? Can I make myself
physically capable of doing it through training or over time?)

5)Can I fit this in to my schedule? (No? Can I adapt my schedule
to make this possible?)

6) All of the above are met? Im doing it.  Im not thinking about it or talking about it. 
Ive probably done it and moved on to something else while others are standing around and doing more research. 

In the last 10 years of my life alone I have:
Learned to play tennis 
Got my motorcycle license
Learned kickboxing 
Went tubing in my pajamas ( I just threw that in there for fun,
but yes I really did it.)
Ran wine tours
Learned to ski
Learned to ride a horse
Learned photography and had photos in prestigious exhibitions
Traveled extensively
Learned the martial art Krav Maga
Learned to ice skate
Learned to roller skate
Played roller derby
Did the Ride for Roswell
Attempted guitar (Fail. But at least I tried!)
Played bongos (Love!)
Tried yoga (hated it)
Learned country line dancing (fun!)
Tried every ethnicity’s cuisine that I had the opportunity to try
Learned how to fundraise and set fundraising records for two organizations
Learned wheatpasting
Built websites (I had no idea what I was doing. I figured it out as I did it.  Literally.)
Set up 10 Facebook pages for various businesses, including ours
Started a blog
Wrote for magazines and newspapers
Successfully hosted functions I had no experience, and probably no business hosting 
Learned public speaking
Tried my hand at bartending
Changed my hair color at least five times
Helped quite a few musicians get their “first breaks.”
Learned to tapdance (LOOOOOOOOVVVVEEE!!!)

I came to the conclusion that I won the lottery or hit the jackpot with my parents.  They taught me that you don’t have a long bucket list because you do the stuff.   If you don’t know how,and you really want to
do it, you find someone who does. If I had grown up learning to mull things over ad nauseum, I would have missed out on a lot!

My mother went to college for Fine Art after we were all grown up.  She got straight As.  Her artwork has won countless awards and been shown in galleries all over the world including the Albright. 

My father takes risks in our business that men 1/3 of his age would shrink away from. He embraces technology and never gets stuck in an
outdated model of our business. He also finds a way of making the most mundane experience fun, but that’s another story for another day.

 


Both of my parents are always ready to learn something new.  Today. That was what I learned growing up and my life is so much richer for it.

Tomorrow might not come! Learn that new thing, travel to that new place.  Do it!  Don’t be a Dr___.  Be a Jim and Georgia Trimper.

Recently a column was written by Jennifer L. S. Weber, one of my closest friends, about some of the people who inspire her. I was honored to be among those listed. Read the entire column here: http://allthingsjennifer.wordpress.com/2013/01/17/people-who-inspire-me/ As you can see, I was in very good company!

I was even more honored when I read the specific paragraph written about me. Jenny wrote:

I paused and reflected about this paragraph written by somebody whose opinion I deeply respect, and who knows me well enough to know me very, very well. The fact that she sees me like this makes me think that I am doing something right.  This is exactly how I would hope to behave, and how I would aspire to have the world see me.

Shortly after Jennifer wrote this post, I got hit with some tough life blows.  Some were new, and some were just an accumulation of some “figurative garbage” finally erupting like a volcano. The kind of things that shake your confidence and make you question who you are.  I wanted to sit down and write about these things.  But then I realized that for me, writing about something, anything, gives it life.  For better or for worse, it extends the life of the experience and the memory.  

Some writers do a wonderful job of writing about painful experiences and
making the reader feel empathy or inspiration that these situations can be overcome, turned around, or left behind. I have discovered that I am not that kind of writer. I am not even that kind of human.

I am often asked what makes me so relentlessly positive, optimistic, and hopeful through all of life’s ups and downs. Most days I feel that way. Some days I just “act is if,” and before you know it I am feeling strongly and confidently again. 

The answer for me is not to pretend that hurtful things or misunderstandings sorrow and pain never happen.  Shaking them off sometimes takes every drop of determination that I can scrape up.  I live this mostly happy sunny life by making a conscious effort to keep myself happy and sunny.  That is my job alone.  Most days it’s a reflex.  Some days it just is not that easy. Some days it is torture to get myself there. For me, the results are worth the effort. It is
always worth it.

Music. Lots and Lots of It. 

 
I actively listen to music. If I am in a bad place, classical orchestral or piano music is the way to go.  You don’t get bogged down in somebody else’s words. If I just need a boost, I will queue up some old songs that have good memories associated with them.  A little gloomy?  Some Bob Marley is always good for an attitude boost. Regular old already-cheery day?  Could be anything.  I like everything from Rockabilly to Alternative to Metal to Country to Opera. I shop every genre on my music player. I do a lot of music lists like, “Makes Me Think of Summer,” “Makes Me Want to Dance,””Beautiful Harmonies,” ”Steamy and Sultry.” I start every workday by creating a playlist to set the tone for my
day.

I go out and hear live music.  All the time.  Lots and lots and lots of it.  I feel inspired by the musicians and the energy of the music.

I play musical instruments. Playing the piano takes full concentration.  The music evokes a mood.  The movement and thought process takes me away from any stress or worry that I might be fighting with in my mind.  I also like playing my bongo drums along with my favorite tunes.  There is something cathartic about banging a drum with my bare hands.

I sing along in my car.  Loudly.  And probably badly.  Who cares, its just me, with the sunroof down once it hits 45 degrees outside. 
 

Exercise.
 I am lucky to be a lover of many, many kinds of sports including biking, all kinds of skating, weight training, swimming.  I have enjoyed solitary sports and group sports for most of my life. Getting outdoors and getting some fresh air is also good for my soul.

Dance.  
I have recently rediscovered dance.  I had forgotten how much I love dancing in the many forms that I have tried over the years.  My most recent styles attempted have included country line dancing, tap, and jazz. 
 
I seem to like tap dance most of all.  I start smiling on the drive to class, and I don’t stop smiling through the class, the drive home, the bath,and climbing in to bad on tap night. Ive stumbled on to something very enjoyable and mood elevating for me. 

Laugh. 
I will seek out books, movies, or occasionally television shows that I know will make me laugh. I love intelligent, well-written humor like a David Sedaris book.  I also dig a good buffoonish Will Ferrell, Jim Carey, or even “Hangover” movie. I loved the stupidity of “Anchor Man.”

Friends.
I actively seek out people and situations that are fun and positive. My closest friends are a happy bunch.  I don’t mean that they never have any problems.  I mean that they like to have fun.  They like me.  They make me feel good about myself just be being with them.  They are supportive and encouraging.  They also all have killer senses of humor, mischief, and adventure. They don’t spend their lives dwelling on what is wrong with the world or wrong with me.

 


No.
I do my best to actively avoid people and situations that make me feel unhappy, sad, or badly about myself.  
 I dont watch or read  the news if I am in a particularly challenging time. I dont watch war or disease movies. I dont list to music that encourages oramplifies a bad mood or depressed feeling.  I am learning to actively avoid
situations that for whatever reason, suck the life out of me.  This item needs a lot more attention and work than all of the others combined. I am getting better at it.

 
 

Appreciate.
 I am very appreciative of all of the amazing gifts in my every day life. 
I start every day with a prayer of thanks focusing on all of the good.  I pray for something that I might be working towards.  I give thanks at the end of the day for all of the good parts of the day that has passed. My prayers are positive and hopeful. 

Shake it off. 

If something hurts me or offends me, I shake it off.  I try to visualize physically shaking that problem or person off, like brushing some dirt off my shoulder. If some project doesn’t work out the way I planned after lots of hard work, shake it off and I start something new and fresh.  Or I revisit the project in a new way without looking back. 

 Bad behavior by others, hurtful and insensitive behavior, selfishness encountered in the world, in the workplace, among friends, family, even at home. Disappointment, pain, and loss. We all deal with it from time to time. I force myself to shake it off like yesterday’s dust. I forgive the people and situations that caused me pain and move on with my life.   If I keep the person in my life, I dust off their perceived offense and try to forget about it.  In the rare case I need to leave the person behind, I do that as well. I wish no one any ill-will or bad karma. I do my best to leave hurt or disappointment of any kind behind me.   

Seize the day.

I take vacations., I don’t just talk about it.  I see my friends and family. I dress up and go for lovely meals.  I go to the parade and dance on the street with the bands. I wear the costumes.  I do crazy things with my hair.  I’m in for a backyard slip n slide or a game of football. I make every day in to a celebration.  I use the good glasses. I drink the good champagne. I Iight the candles. I buy fresh flowers. I smile at everybody. I keep my eyes out for ways that I can help others. Every day is exactly what I make of it, and my mood is my responsibility.

  

I see the best in other people and in the world.  I dwell in the positive
aspects of life. This is what works for me.  Thank you, Jennifer L.S. Weber for making me see this in myself.

What is so special about “The Syracuse Girls?”  



I moved to Syracuse for a couple of short years for business.  This was the first time in my life that I had lived outside the Western New York area.  Used to a strong social network of friends and family, I was very much “out there on my own” in a way that I had never experienced.  In the first couple of months, it really didn’t matter all that
much. There was a lot of work to be done.  I needed to focus all of my time and attention there. 

Once I had business things somewhat under control, I joined a nice local gym and started doing the normal business networking type activities.  I was sort of biding my time until I could move back to the Buffalo area. I went on a few dates here and there.  I was unhappy in my apartment and mentioned this to a very nice man, Tom, who I was dating
casually at the time.  “You have to meet my cousin, Bonnie. She is looking for a tenant at her townhouse. She will
also live at the townhouse on weekends too.“  I was completely against any type of roommate situation.  Thank goodness Tom was persistent.  He kept bringing it up, “Just meet her.  You will like each other.  Living situation aside, I absolutely insist that you meet her.”  "OK, Tom, FORTHELOVEOFGOD, I will meet her.'  I wasn’t expecting much.  I even brought my father with me the day that I arranged to meet Bonnie.  

Bonnies on the left, Im in the middle, and Debs on the right.

Five minutes in to our meeting, Bonnie and I left my father behind and took a tour, blabbing away. We were instant friends. I moved in to the townhouse shortly thereafter.  Debbie and Sandy were already close friends of Bonnie, and we formed a pretty formidable gang of four almost immediately.  We were all single, successful if new in our careers, fun-loving adventurous musketeers.  We went to concerts, art shows, went dancing, and went for cocktails.  We had crazy fun adventures and in some cases were lucky to live to tell the stories.

At some point, our business brought me back to Western New York.  I sure missed my friends and family back here, but really hated to leave our very special and unique group of friends in Syracuse behind. But something really amazing happened.  We never lost our friendship.  We never stopped making time for each other.  We never stopped arranging trips or meeting places.  We attended each other’s weddings, special birthdays, and got together just because we missed each other. Over time, Sandy moved a couple of times, eventually settling in Washington DC.  Bonnie moved a few times, eventually settling in Ft Lauderdale Florida. Debbie made a beautiful home in a suburb of Syracuse with her amazing family.   It is pretty easy to lose touch with each other through weddings, moves, and just some pretty big careers. It takes four people to make sure that never happens. 

What is so special about Bonnie?  Bonnie has certainly climbed to the top of her career in the financial industry. 
She has carved out a pretty great life with her husband Bob in Fort Lauderdale.  She sees a way to take her life to the next level and boldly does it. No second guessing, no hesitation. She also never stopped wanting to plan time to laugh, have fun, and just sit around and talk with us.  Bonnie is beautiful, smart and inspiring in the way that she lives her life.  She is also the kind of friend you want on your side when you are feeling less than 100% about yourself
or need help or advice of any kind.  She will look you right in the face and tell you exactly what you need to
hear.

What is so special about Debbie?  Debbie is one of the best mothers I have ever seen.  She adores her
kids and makes sure that they have the best of everything but are kind, down to earth, polite and solid.  They are
lucky to have her as a mom.  She adores her husband too.  Debbie a very talented interior designer and helps businesses plan their furniture and other aspects of design.  With all of this going on, you would wonder whether she would find the time or even have interest in us friends from long ago.  She not only embraces our trips and reunions, she has hosted several of them at her beautiful home.  Not only has she never forgotten how to have fun, she absolutely insists that you do the same.  Debbie is a responsible loving member of society who will never get old and never forget how to have a blast. She also has a pretty great habit of seeing the best in people. 

What is so special about Sandy?  Sandy is a very smart, serious and career minded woman.  Sandy has been very successful in the accounting world. Sandy is also one of the kindest humans that walk the planet.  She is funny,mischievous and smart. You can trust Sandy with your deepest secret and you can trust her to be right there with you when you come with a ridiculous plan to stop at a biker bar or old school lounge.  

You can trust all of these beautiful and smart women to:
1)Pick you up when you are down
2)Make you laugh
3)Laugh at your jokes
4)Make you see the best in yourself
5)Have fun doing anything; or nothing
6)Never impose their agenda on the life that you should have.  They celebrate you
and your life.
7)Answer the phone and bring bail money if you called them at 4AM

In summary, you can take them anywhere.  These women are at home at a symphony board dinner or private club, meeting captains of industry and going to the grungiest of concerts, a diner, a bowling alley or a dive bar.  They are some of the best people this planet has to offer.  They are my honorary sisters and lifelong friends.  I am honored to be among them. Thank you, Tom Greenwood.  You gave me the gift of the friendships of a lifetime in them. 

Forbes Magazine posted this article today: The Most Outrageous and Most Common Job Interview Mistakes.

This got me thinking about some of the more amusing job interviews that we have conducted here at Denton Cottier & Daniels. My father, brother, and I are in business together.  My father and I usually conduct the job interviews together. This is great for the person being interviewed because we like to make it a fun and positive experience whether the person ends up working here or not.  The down side is that if something is ridiculous, its a lot harder to hold in your laughter when there is another person in the room LOLing on the inside with you. Here are a few of my favorites, in no particular order:

1) The woman who randomly blurted out, "I got this suit at KMart!" in the middle of the interview.  I could not hold back, and did burst out laughing.  I had to leave the room and get myself together.  My poor dad had to sit there alone with her awkwardly for a few minutes. 

2) The guy who told us that their former employer "had to be the BOSS all the time!"

3) The guy who asked me for a date as I walked him to the door after the interview.

4) The woman who reeked of booze. (Trust me, we have nothing against booze.  Just not in the morning, at a job interview.)

5) The woman who told us she that hated piano music.   Its like interviewing at Hershey and saying that you hate chocolate.

6) The person who answered their cell phone. "Sorry, I gotta take this."

7) The man who brought his wife to the interview.  Whats next, his mom?

8) The man who kept loudly talking over my dad and interrupting him. I have to admit, this was so awkward that I just loved it.  Im sitting there knowing that my dad is mentally backhanding the guy, and the guy thinks he is "killing it," in a good way. 

9) The woman who told us that she could not work Saturdays because she had a standing hair appointment on Saturday afternoons.
 
10) The guy who kept calling my dad, "Dude."