It was November of 2014 when Peter and I moved in to Chateau PM, our happy, beautiful lofty little place in the City of Tonawanda. It was one of the coldest winters in recorded history, but we didn't mind that so much. 
We carefully shopped for and curated our little place with items old and new, thrift and antique shopping, and filling in with eclectic little finds along the way. Artwork, furniture, or measuring cups, we picked it our together and found its place in our little home. 
We made great warm and beautiful dinners together. Well, mostly he cooked, and I set a beautiful table, picked the music, and cleaned up. We both felt like we won the lottery as we talked for hours on end about everything and nothing, many times late in to the night. 
On the snowiest nights we would just start walking and see what groovy little places we would find in our charming little neighborhood. Even in the winter, the City Of Tonawanda has some amazing scenic water views. It also has an eclectic mix of restaurants, shops, and lots of fun to be discovered if you only look for it. 
Some nights we might stumble upon and old pub filled with characters, or a great band playing. Some nights we would eat in beautiful restaurants, often getting to know the owners or other diners. 
We would walk home enjoying the softly falling snow and the moon and the water views. Usually holding hands and talking about our experiences of that day or night. 
We had friends over for great parties, brunches, small dinners. We both loved when our friends would play music on our piano and or guitar. A few times we even sat down and jammed (poorly) together. We had a blast. 
When the spring came we planted vegetables and flowers in pots , and got involved in our community garden. We went to hear local and national bands. We went to see show and plays. We had picnics, and rode our bikes to watch the sunset almost every night. Then we would sit on our little stoop porch among the plants and flowers and look up at the stars, sometimes sipping wine and always sharing stories.We talked about books and movies and politics and told the stories or our lives. We made all kinds of plans for the future.  
We enjoyed great times with our family, friends, and even strangers. 
Our home was bright with color and with spirit. We had figured it out. We felt almost like we were getting away with something that others hadnt figured out. We were madly and crazy in love. We thought that we had discovered the secrets of the Universe.  
This is "The Middle," and all I feel like talking about today. There is much more to our story, including our fun and crazy start, our incredibly strong love through all kinds of obstacles we could not have foreseen, and where that led us and what it taught us. 
This is what I felt like thinking about and sharing today. 

"Let me know if you need anything." Or "How can I help you?" If you have been following along, you know that my beloved +beautifully/awesomely crazy boyfriend is sick. You can read more about that here. And here. 

I am lucky and blessed enough that I get to hear these questions often. I am never sure quite what to say. 

The other day, I was giving this some thought. I sure could use some help. This time in our lives has made me understand that I do need TheHumans, and that I cant do everything myself. But what? What would help me, and more importantly, what would help Peter? So I came up with a list in my head. And here it is:

1) Arrange a visit. We are both highly social creatures. And suddenly, we can rarely leave our little loft. We would love you to arrange a time to come by. Or, arrange an outing if Peter is up to it that day. He loves sitting at the river, at Niawanda Park,which is just a couple of blocks from our home. Fishing, picnicking, or just sitting there. Its one of the most beautiful places in the word. If hes not up to that, sit on our front stoop or sit by his bed and just talk to him. Play a game. Tell jokes. His health and spirits go up exponentially when we have a visitor. 

2) Offer to run an errand. It seems that every day is an endless sea of errands. Pile that on with doctors' appointments, and it is quite a marathon to get everything we need every day. Whether it is light bulbs, toilet paper, food, batteries, it is always something. Offer to take our list and pick the stuff up. We will give you the $. Its the time we cant spare. 
Every day of the week. 

3)Call him. Talk to him on the phone. Tell him about your life, ask him about his. 

4) And, piggybacking on #3:  This is what we figured out that we have been missing most of all. Tell us your stories. Ask us our advice. Your trivial crap about your day. You are wondering whether or not to go on that second date. You are annoyed with your spouse or your coworker. TELL US YOUR CRAP. Nobody tells us anything any more. We want to hear your funny silly stories, your petty little annoyances. Of course, we appreciate people asking about Peter's health. But we need another thing to talk about. Give us your nonsense. We miss the hell out of it.

5) Pray for strength and grace for both of us.  

PS: Sign up as an organ donor. Do not tell me that you are not an organ donor and expect a pleasant conversation from me. 

If you know me well, or you read my blog, you might know that my beloved boyfriend is bravely and 'kickassingly' fighting liver disease. The latest news from the doctors is that he is doing much better than they expected and is continuing to defy medical logic +/or common sense. This is partially because he actually does what he is supposed to do. He takes his medication, he goes to his medical appointments. He is kind and appreciative to every medical professional who crosses his path. He gets his blood drawn when he feels like there is nothing left to give. And basically, he is a tough, stubborn, kickass, belligerent Irishman. Or he would not be with us. Period. 
You might think that writing about this would be depressing. And don't get me wrong, there are depressing moments. There are moments when you seriously doubt your own capacity for strength, and his. Its not the easiest thing in the world. 
On the other hand, you start to have these profound moments. Special things that happen the seem to mean more to because of all that is going on. A rainbow follows you to one of your best friend's housewarming party, just when you really needed a boost badly. Heck, the fact that he felt well enough to go for a bit was a huge deal. If you saw that rainbow on a regular day, you'd think, "gee, that is lovely." Vs., "wow that has to be a sign of beautiful things to come." 
I've always done a pretty good job of appreciating small beautiful moments. I thank my parents for that. That is not a new skill for me. At the same time, is kind of like everything is heightened now. The good, the bad, and the ugly. A long soft backrub from someone so sick seems like a beautiful gift. Other days,he falls on the ground and it feels very ugly and frightening. He says, "I love you," with such intensity and sincerity that it goes through my soul. Minutes later:A brilliant man, he loses his place in the conversation and looks scared and confused. It feels like a constant rollercoaster of beauty and pain. 
Peter has about 4 and 1/2 more months before he is eligible to even begin the wait for a liver transplant. Then its about matching and other complicated things like that. He is working very hard at making sure that he does everything within his power to make sure that he is ready, willing , and able when the time comes. It is something to watch and admire, and learn from. Focus. Strength. And he still manages to find moments of beauty for us along the way. 
Friends and family, well we both draw from their amazing strength and support. And even strangers, like our nurses, blow us away with their many beautiful kindnesses. We have acquaintances offering us support in ways I have been incredibly inspired by, and learned from. Ive always loved finding ways to help other people. Now, I look at each one of these people along the way as a lesson in how I can be a better person going forward. No, I wasn't a big jerk or something before all of this. I was always a pretty nice person. But there is nice, and then there is putting your life's focus on making this world a better place in any small way possible. 
I do cry. Ive probably cried more in the last couple of months than I have in my entire life.  I do say directly to God, "what the eff could I have possibly done to deserve this?" And then I snap out of it and find my way.
Today we went to the water and spent time with good friends. We felt the great water breeze. Enjoyed the beauty of where we live and being together. And Peter, looking at the water, said, for the 20th time this month, " We live in a magical place."  Maybe we do. 

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for somewhere between two and three years. Nobody really knows exactly how long. We came together as: we were just supposed to be fun, friends,no-big-deal thing. At some point we realized we never had enough time to talk, even if we talked all night. And we had pretty much ten lifetimes of adventures that we wanted to do together. Eventually we moved in together. For about two years, we had the best relationship that we, or anybody else, could imagine. Every day an adventure. Talk every little thing over. Find new and amazing things to do every single day. We made our friends sick with how happy we were. We both brought life, joy, and color to each others' lives. 
A few months ago, Peter started acting differently than the person I knew. He didn't want to do anything, vs up for anything. Where he used to be a huge sweetheart, he was mean. I don't mean abusively mean, I mean: "here was this amazing guy, and now hes kind of a dink." All he wanted to do was sit on the couch. He didnt want to have our talks. He wanted to be alone. Period.  Where we had beautiful meals together every night, he didn't want to sit with me and eat. Eventually, he didn't even want to eat. I very seriously pondered moving on. I had no idea that he was sick until it was impossible to ignore. I am so glad that I didn't "move on!"
Once I finally realized that he was sick,it took my every trick that I had in my book to get him to the hospital. Jaundiced, exhausted, and as far as the doctors told us, close to death, he insisted on going to work for a solid week after everyone around him knew that he was sick. Stubborn Irishman. 
When we finally got to the hospital, the doctors said that he very nearly died and that he, by their numbers, should not be alive. They worked to stabilize him. Three times, they told me to say goodbye to him. Three times, I said, " thank you for telling me all of the possibilities. " And then I told him, in his ear, " you are not ready to go yet. If you see a white light, run the other way. If you see Danny, ( his brother who died recently of a similar disease) tell him you cant be with him yet. Run, and fight, and with all of your strength, go the other way. Be with your family a while. Be with me. Be with Jessica (his niece and goddaughter.) " I did tell the one doctor that kept telling me that he was going to die to eff off. Not much of a swearer, but I did that. I did. 
Peter came out of the hospital with the knowledge that he needs a liver transplant. Two days out of the hospital, he checked in to his employer. He was up to doing light duty. They fired him. That is all that I will say about that. 
We spend our days making sure that he is OK. My mother hangs with him when I am at work.  Unemployment, disability, we have received $0 so far. He was fired on 4/25. His copays keep coming in. We still have normal living expenses, ie: rent, utilities, food, copays for all of his stuff. I am not writing this to complain about money. We have a huge support system of our families if we need it. Not the point. Two, above average intelligence humans navigating the system of insurance and the medical community=at our wits end. 
As far as Peter goes, he is brave. He fights hard every day to get himself better. He has moments when he is confused. He wakes up in the middle of most nights in states ranging from foggy to frighteningly confused. We are told that this is standard with his disease. He comes out of confusion, every single time, plotting about something nice that he can do for a family member or friend. He adores his family and wants to reconnect with his best friends in a more meaningful way. That is his focus. He loves his plants, he loves our dog. He wants to leave his mark on this planet for doing good. He quotes St Francis; "make me an instrument of your peace," every day. 
Where our days were filled with bikerides, walks, going to hear endless bands, culinary adventures, etc., our life is making sure that he is ok and that we cover all of our bases medically, nutritionally, and to make sure he is happy and entertained a bit. Days off are doctors' appointments. He has an entire team looking after him. 
Lessons learned: 
1) Its tough to be this sick. Its horrible.
2) Its tough to watch somebody be this sick. Its horrible. 
3) Its tough to navigate the medical community, insurance companies, and help for 'displaced' workers
4) Its all kind of horrible. I do not recommend it. 
At the same time:
1)We appreciate small moments of beauty, like a meal prepared and eaten, or a sunset, or a doggy cuddle. We REALLY appreciate my mother. BIGTIME. 
2)We have seen unbelievable help and support from our friends and families. We have both become closer to the closest people in our lives. 
3) We both better understand what our friends who have survived grave illnesses have faced and can better support them. 
4) There are beautiful moments where he feels strong. In those moments, he is at his best. Smart, imaginative, loving, and wanting to save the world. Beautiful. 
I didnt think that I would write about this. It seemed too grave for a very long time. I have decided that we are not the first, wont be the last people who are facing this. Others facing similar circumstances might need a kindred spirit in writing or in life. 

Recently a column was written by Jennifer L. S. Weber, one of my closest friends, about some of the people who inspire her. I was honored to be among those listed. Read the entire column here: http://allthingsjennifer.wordpress.com/2013/01/17/people-who-inspire-me/ As you can see, I was in very good company!

I was even more honored when I read the specific paragraph written about me. Jenny wrote:

I paused and reflected about this paragraph written by somebody whose opinion I deeply respect, and who knows me well enough to know me very, very well. The fact that she sees me like this makes me think that I am doing something right.  This is exactly how I would hope to behave, and how I would aspire to have the world see me.

Shortly after Jennifer wrote this post, I got hit with some tough life blows.  Some were new, and some were just an accumulation of some “figurative garbage” finally erupting like a volcano. The kind of things that shake your confidence and make you question who you are.  I wanted to sit down and write about these things.  But then I realized that for me, writing about something, anything, gives it life.  For better or for worse, it extends the life of the experience and the memory.  

Some writers do a wonderful job of writing about painful experiences and
making the reader feel empathy or inspiration that these situations can be overcome, turned around, or left behind. I have discovered that I am not that kind of writer. I am not even that kind of human.

I am often asked what makes me so relentlessly positive, optimistic, and hopeful through all of life’s ups and downs. Most days I feel that way. Some days I just “act is if,” and before you know it I am feeling strongly and confidently again. 

The answer for me is not to pretend that hurtful things or misunderstandings sorrow and pain never happen.  Shaking them off sometimes takes every drop of determination that I can scrape up.  I live this mostly happy sunny life by making a conscious effort to keep myself happy and sunny.  That is my job alone.  Most days it’s a reflex.  Some days it just is not that easy. Some days it is torture to get myself there. For me, the results are worth the effort. It is
always worth it.

Music. Lots and Lots of It. 

 
I actively listen to music. If I am in a bad place, classical orchestral or piano music is the way to go.  You don’t get bogged down in somebody else’s words. If I just need a boost, I will queue up some old songs that have good memories associated with them.  A little gloomy?  Some Bob Marley is always good for an attitude boost. Regular old already-cheery day?  Could be anything.  I like everything from Rockabilly to Alternative to Metal to Country to Opera. I shop every genre on my music player. I do a lot of music lists like, “Makes Me Think of Summer,” “Makes Me Want to Dance,””Beautiful Harmonies,” ”Steamy and Sultry.” I start every workday by creating a playlist to set the tone for my
day.

I go out and hear live music.  All the time.  Lots and lots and lots of it.  I feel inspired by the musicians and the energy of the music.

I play musical instruments. Playing the piano takes full concentration.  The music evokes a mood.  The movement and thought process takes me away from any stress or worry that I might be fighting with in my mind.  I also like playing my bongo drums along with my favorite tunes.  There is something cathartic about banging a drum with my bare hands.

I sing along in my car.  Loudly.  And probably badly.  Who cares, its just me, with the sunroof down once it hits 45 degrees outside. 
 

Exercise.
 I am lucky to be a lover of many, many kinds of sports including biking, all kinds of skating, weight training, swimming.  I have enjoyed solitary sports and group sports for most of my life. Getting outdoors and getting some fresh air is also good for my soul.

Dance.  
I have recently rediscovered dance.  I had forgotten how much I love dancing in the many forms that I have tried over the years.  My most recent styles attempted have included country line dancing, tap, and jazz. 
 
I seem to like tap dance most of all.  I start smiling on the drive to class, and I don’t stop smiling through the class, the drive home, the bath,and climbing in to bad on tap night. Ive stumbled on to something very enjoyable and mood elevating for me. 

Laugh. 
I will seek out books, movies, or occasionally television shows that I know will make me laugh. I love intelligent, well-written humor like a David Sedaris book.  I also dig a good buffoonish Will Ferrell, Jim Carey, or even “Hangover” movie. I loved the stupidity of “Anchor Man.”

Friends.
I actively seek out people and situations that are fun and positive. My closest friends are a happy bunch.  I don’t mean that they never have any problems.  I mean that they like to have fun.  They like me.  They make me feel good about myself just be being with them.  They are supportive and encouraging.  They also all have killer senses of humor, mischief, and adventure. They don’t spend their lives dwelling on what is wrong with the world or wrong with me.

 


No.
I do my best to actively avoid people and situations that make me feel unhappy, sad, or badly about myself.  
 I dont watch or read  the news if I am in a particularly challenging time. I dont watch war or disease movies. I dont list to music that encourages oramplifies a bad mood or depressed feeling.  I am learning to actively avoid
situations that for whatever reason, suck the life out of me.  This item needs a lot more attention and work than all of the others combined. I am getting better at it.

 
 

Appreciate.
 I am very appreciative of all of the amazing gifts in my every day life. 
I start every day with a prayer of thanks focusing on all of the good.  I pray for something that I might be working towards.  I give thanks at the end of the day for all of the good parts of the day that has passed. My prayers are positive and hopeful. 

Shake it off. 

If something hurts me or offends me, I shake it off.  I try to visualize physically shaking that problem or person off, like brushing some dirt off my shoulder. If some project doesn’t work out the way I planned after lots of hard work, shake it off and I start something new and fresh.  Or I revisit the project in a new way without looking back. 

 Bad behavior by others, hurtful and insensitive behavior, selfishness encountered in the world, in the workplace, among friends, family, even at home. Disappointment, pain, and loss. We all deal with it from time to time. I force myself to shake it off like yesterday’s dust. I forgive the people and situations that caused me pain and move on with my life.   If I keep the person in my life, I dust off their perceived offense and try to forget about it.  In the rare case I need to leave the person behind, I do that as well. I wish no one any ill-will or bad karma. I do my best to leave hurt or disappointment of any kind behind me.   

Seize the day.

I take vacations., I don’t just talk about it.  I see my friends and family. I dress up and go for lovely meals.  I go to the parade and dance on the street with the bands. I wear the costumes.  I do crazy things with my hair.  I’m in for a backyard slip n slide or a game of football. I make every day in to a celebration.  I use the good glasses. I drink the good champagne. I Iight the candles. I buy fresh flowers. I smile at everybody. I keep my eyes out for ways that I can help others. Every day is exactly what I make of it, and my mood is my responsibility.

  

I see the best in other people and in the world.  I dwell in the positive
aspects of life. This is what works for me.  Thank you, Jennifer L.S. Weber for making me see this in myself.

What is so special about “The Syracuse Girls?”  



I moved to Syracuse for a couple of short years for business.  This was the first time in my life that I had lived outside the Western New York area.  Used to a strong social network of friends and family, I was very much “out there on my own” in a way that I had never experienced.  In the first couple of months, it really didn’t matter all that
much. There was a lot of work to be done.  I needed to focus all of my time and attention there. 

Once I had business things somewhat under control, I joined a nice local gym and started doing the normal business networking type activities.  I was sort of biding my time until I could move back to the Buffalo area. I went on a few dates here and there.  I was unhappy in my apartment and mentioned this to a very nice man, Tom, who I was dating
casually at the time.  “You have to meet my cousin, Bonnie. She is looking for a tenant at her townhouse. She will
also live at the townhouse on weekends too.“  I was completely against any type of roommate situation.  Thank goodness Tom was persistent.  He kept bringing it up, “Just meet her.  You will like each other.  Living situation aside, I absolutely insist that you meet her.”  "OK, Tom, FORTHELOVEOFGOD, I will meet her.'  I wasn’t expecting much.  I even brought my father with me the day that I arranged to meet Bonnie.  

Bonnies on the left, Im in the middle, and Debs on the right.

Five minutes in to our meeting, Bonnie and I left my father behind and took a tour, blabbing away. We were instant friends. I moved in to the townhouse shortly thereafter.  Debbie and Sandy were already close friends of Bonnie, and we formed a pretty formidable gang of four almost immediately.  We were all single, successful if new in our careers, fun-loving adventurous musketeers.  We went to concerts, art shows, went dancing, and went for cocktails.  We had crazy fun adventures and in some cases were lucky to live to tell the stories.

At some point, our business brought me back to Western New York.  I sure missed my friends and family back here, but really hated to leave our very special and unique group of friends in Syracuse behind. But something really amazing happened.  We never lost our friendship.  We never stopped making time for each other.  We never stopped arranging trips or meeting places.  We attended each other’s weddings, special birthdays, and got together just because we missed each other. Over time, Sandy moved a couple of times, eventually settling in Washington DC.  Bonnie moved a few times, eventually settling in Ft Lauderdale Florida. Debbie made a beautiful home in a suburb of Syracuse with her amazing family.   It is pretty easy to lose touch with each other through weddings, moves, and just some pretty big careers. It takes four people to make sure that never happens. 

What is so special about Bonnie?  Bonnie has certainly climbed to the top of her career in the financial industry. 
She has carved out a pretty great life with her husband Bob in Fort Lauderdale.  She sees a way to take her life to the next level and boldly does it. No second guessing, no hesitation. She also never stopped wanting to plan time to laugh, have fun, and just sit around and talk with us.  Bonnie is beautiful, smart and inspiring in the way that she lives her life.  She is also the kind of friend you want on your side when you are feeling less than 100% about yourself
or need help or advice of any kind.  She will look you right in the face and tell you exactly what you need to
hear.

What is so special about Debbie?  Debbie is one of the best mothers I have ever seen.  She adores her
kids and makes sure that they have the best of everything but are kind, down to earth, polite and solid.  They are
lucky to have her as a mom.  She adores her husband too.  Debbie a very talented interior designer and helps businesses plan their furniture and other aspects of design.  With all of this going on, you would wonder whether she would find the time or even have interest in us friends from long ago.  She not only embraces our trips and reunions, she has hosted several of them at her beautiful home.  Not only has she never forgotten how to have fun, she absolutely insists that you do the same.  Debbie is a responsible loving member of society who will never get old and never forget how to have a blast. She also has a pretty great habit of seeing the best in people. 

What is so special about Sandy?  Sandy is a very smart, serious and career minded woman.  Sandy has been very successful in the accounting world. Sandy is also one of the kindest humans that walk the planet.  She is funny,mischievous and smart. You can trust Sandy with your deepest secret and you can trust her to be right there with you when you come with a ridiculous plan to stop at a biker bar or old school lounge.  

You can trust all of these beautiful and smart women to:
1)Pick you up when you are down
2)Make you laugh
3)Laugh at your jokes
4)Make you see the best in yourself
5)Have fun doing anything; or nothing
6)Never impose their agenda on the life that you should have.  They celebrate you
and your life.
7)Answer the phone and bring bail money if you called them at 4AM

In summary, you can take them anywhere.  These women are at home at a symphony board dinner or private club, meeting captains of industry and going to the grungiest of concerts, a diner, a bowling alley or a dive bar.  They are some of the best people this planet has to offer.  They are my honorary sisters and lifelong friends.  I am honored to be among them. Thank you, Tom Greenwood.  You gave me the gift of the friendships of a lifetime in them. 

This might make you a little uncomfortable.  I am doing something that completely defies modern conventional
wisdom.  I am taking a little time off from looking for new ways to step out of my comfort zone. I am looking for
more ways to dip my toe back in to my beautiful and neglected comfort zone and slip in to its warm and beautiful waters.  Am I going to become boring?  Not likely. 

“Step out of your comfort zone!”  Life begins outside of your comfort zone!”  Today’s inspirational types  motivational gurus shout this at us on a daily basis in the form of social media, books, memes, and preach to us at every business or social gathering.  People are quite passionate about jamming it down your throat. Lately I feel my body tighten up and find myself cringing every time I stumble across this well-meaning phrase.I get the spirit of what they are trying to encourage. Try new things, meet new people. Challenge yourself.  I support and agree with that much.  At the same time, I have found myself separating myself from the idea that all experiences have to be earth shatteringly extreme or uncomfortable to be valid life experiences.

I have spent many years running from one adventure to another.  Some have been glorious, some have been disasters.  I don’t regret any of them.  Lately I found myself craving comfort.  Comfort to me at this exact juncture means surrounding myself with loving friends, getting the maximum possible fulfillment out of my job, my hobbies, my creative endeavors, my home, and my marriage. I am looking inwardly instead of outwardly. It’s a perspective shift that I have felt coming to me in waves over the past couple of years. 

I have always enjoyed participating in a variety of sports.  I played soccer, ran track, ice skated, swam, played softball. pretty much enjoyed all of them.  At a certain point in my life, however, I bought in to the mentality that I had to break out of these sports that I enjoyed and was pretty good at. Looking back, I would have to say that I have probably overdone the “out of the comfort zone” theory of sports for about the past ten years. It wasn’t enough for me to lift weights and do some cardio to keep in shape. The sport had to be more extreme each time. From kickboxing to extreme martial arts, to roller derby, to football, I had to prove myself time and time again as a badass.  Time after time I would push myself beyond what made sense by anyone’s standards.  Then I would be stuck doing nothing while a pesky injury healed.  Time after time. 

I took a kickboxing class at the gym.  I enjoyed that very much. I thought actual fighting would be the next
logical step to create a further challenge for myself.  I took an active fighting class that consisted mostly of men and held my own. I got hurt from time to time but kept at it.  Once I felt that I had a pretty good handle on kickboxing, I took a five hour Krav Maga martial arts fighting test that several super-fit men less than half my age couldn’t get
through.  I broke my thumb in the first five minutes. I forged through the entire active fighting test and walked out with my belt and my certificate.  It was one of the proudest moments of my life.  Less exciting was heading straight to the emergency room and enduring performing a job that completely relies on my hands without the use of a thumb. The cycle of wanting a ridiculous challenge, making it happen against all reasonable odds, and getting injured continued  through a number different extreme sports. I value the time that I spent at these pursuits and the friends that I made along the way. At the same time; I really like sports and I really didn’t like getting injured all the time.

I have always been fairly social and have made friends easily.  But I found myself tolerating groups of people that I felt completely uncomfortable with +/or disregarded by just to take myself “out of my element.” Why?  Most of the people in the world are “my element.”  So why did I go through a phase of believing that I would somehow expand my
horizons by trying to fit in with a couple of small groups of people personally and professionally that I found both
unpleasant, uncomfortable,  and in some extreme cases, awful?  I will always love meeting new people from all over the world and from all types of cultures and mindsets. The simple criterion for my comfort zone is that people will be friendly and accepting of me as well.  I am a friendly and polite person.  In most circles that is enough.  This works in the grittiest biker bar, and it works with Fortune 500 presidents, and even with groups of children that I meet through business or family. I don’t need to be involved in any “circles” where this is not enough.




 

When I was dating, I was encouraged to go out with people who I knew darned well didn’t make any sense for me.  I had fun learning about different types of people, but just like with friendships of any kind you cannot disregard that inner voice that tells you that this man, or this friend, is “home,” and this other person in your inner circle makes you feel uncomfortable and not in a good way.

Once you do settle in to a relationship or marriage, here is what is “all the rage.” If you are not getting the advertised perfection out of your marriage or relationship, get a divorce.  The sooner the better.  Break out of your comfort zone. Don’t even bother trying to work it out.  Any thoughts of how you mostly enjoy your life together should be brushed away at the first sign of imperfection. Go out there and be alone, and/or date people you don’t really click with, and whose company you don’t really enjoy because God forbid you expend any energy trying to simply communicate with your spouse or partner and improve things.

Unhappy about a situation at work?  Why not communicate, collaborate and compromise to make the situation
closer to what you want rather than storming off to do something else.  Getting a paycheck from a job you mostly like but aren’t jumping for joy about every second of every day does not mean you are a sell-out. This doesn’t mean being too lazy or timid to keep making adjustments.  It just means that you don’t write something off without first trying to fix or improve your situation, thus making it more COMFORTABLE.

I am not suggesting that you limit yourself or be afraid to try new things.  God knows I’m not and I never will be. 
I’m just suggesting that we (I!)might have gone a little too far with this concept and have begun to discount the value of trying new things that might fit instead of uncomfortable.  I also think that finding a thrill or a new twist on something already in your life is a great way to keep things interesting and fun. 

This year’s new physical pursuit: tap dancing. I love the music, I love the workout, I love the instructor, the dance
studio, and the other students.  I also feel like my good sense of rhythm and strong cardio endurance will serve me
well here. I am completely comfortable. And I love the feeling.  I look forward to going to class.  I smile just thinking about it.

I am revisiting my comfort zone in a big way. I have to say that I really like it.   I love being involved with people and pursuits that I enjoy.How about finding a pastime, job or hobby that you are actually good at and that you connect with? Trying new things should be fun, not painful. What if you picked out something you thought might enjoy for its own sake, and not because it is the hardest thing that you have ever done?  I’m not talking about staying in a bad relationship or friendship.  Just the opposite.  Im talking about being realistic about whether something needs tweaked or discarded.  Take a long hard look. First, try to make changes so it is more of what you want it to be. If it turns out that the person, place, or hobby is making you miserable, walk away and slip in to  something more comfortable.