Today's writing prompt was the word, releasing. My first thought was, what do I need to release?
I came up with a lot of things. And then I realized that the things I came up with were things I didn't like about myself. Not so much in general, but Post-PK-sickness-and-Death-Michelle.
I hate that I cant always do things I used to love to do.
I hate that I cant be there for my friends like I used to.
I hate that I'm not back in the shape I want to be in yet.
I hate that I sometimes have sad or angry moods still.
I hate that I'm not as creative as I used to be at my job.
I hate that I cant do all of the charitable things I usually love to do.
Wah-wha-wha. Oh I could go on. But this is enough examples to make the point I need to make. What if, I forgave myself for mistakes that I have made. What if I release the idea of who I wish I was again, and embraced the idea that we are all works in progress, all of our lives. I'm the best person I can be for right now, and always trying to get better. As long as I'm trying to improve, and believe me, I am.
So I take and re-frame the list I made above in my head and release beating myself up about these things. How would that look?
Instead of: I hate that I cant always do things I used to love to do.
How about: I still like doing more things than most humans do. And I'm adding more and more cool new experiences every day.
Instead of: I hate that I cant be there for my friends like I used to
How about: By most peoples standards, I'm still a pretty darned good friend to have.
Instead of: I hate that I'm not back in the shape I want to be in yet.
How about: I'm focused on getting my health back to a peak level and actively working towards it.
Instead of: I hate that I sometimes have sad or angry moods still.
How about: I've gotten a lot better at avoiding things that will bring me to The Bad Place in my head. I've also gotten better at digging myself out of it, much more quickly. (side note, one day I told my cousin that I was in The Bad Place and she asked me if that was a bar. Ha! )
Instead of: I hate that I'm not as creative as I used to be at my job.
How about: I feel my creativity coming back in leaps and bounds, especially the last month or so. We are actively working on a lot of cool and exciting projects that will happen in 2017.
Instead of:I hate that I cant do all of the charitable things I usually love to do.
How about: I'm concentrating on getting myself better for a few more months, so that I will be strong and able to do a lot more good in the world before I leave it.
There. That sounds more like the me I want to be.
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