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"How Can I Help You," or "Give Us Your Nonsense," (Or: "When You Love Someone Who Is Gravely Ill Pt Three")

6/20/2016

5 Comments

 
"Let me know if you need anything." Or "How can I help you?" If you have been following along, you know that my beloved +beautifully/awesomely crazy boyfriend is sick. You can read more about that here. And here. 

I am lucky and blessed enough that I get to hear these questions often. I am never sure quite what to say. 

The other day, I was giving this some thought. I sure could use some help. This time in our lives has made me understand that I do need TheHumans, and that I cant do everything myself. But what? What would help me, and more importantly, what would help Peter? So I came up with a list in my head. And here it is:

1) Arrange a visit. We are both highly social creatures. And suddenly, we can rarely leave our little loft. We would love you to arrange a time to come by. Or, arrange an outing if Peter is up to it that day. He loves sitting at the river, at Niawanda Park,which is just a couple of blocks from our home. Fishing, picnicking, or just sitting there. Its one of the most beautiful places in the word. If hes not up to that, sit on our front stoop or sit by his bed and just talk to him. Play a game. Tell jokes. His health and spirits go up exponentially when we have a visitor. 

2) Offer to run an errand. It seems that every day is an endless sea of errands. Pile that on with doctors' appointments, and it is quite a marathon to get everything we need every day. Whether it is light bulbs, toilet paper, food, batteries, it is always something. Offer to take our list and pick the stuff up. We will give you the $. Its the time we cant spare. 
Every day of the week. 

3)Call him. Talk to him on the phone. Tell him about your life, ask him about his. 

4) And, piggybacking on #3:  This is what we figured out that we have been missing most of all. Tell us your stories. Ask us our advice. Your trivial crap about your day. You are wondering whether or not to go on that second date. You are annoyed with your spouse or your coworker. TELL US YOUR CRAP. Nobody tells us anything any more. We want to hear your funny silly stories, your petty little annoyances. Of course, we appreciate people asking about Peter's health. But we need another thing to talk about. Give us your nonsense. We miss the hell out of it.

5) Pray for strength and grace for both of us.  

PS: Sign up as an organ donor. Do not tell me that you are not an organ donor and expect a pleasant conversation from me. 

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5 Comments
Stephanie Maier
6/20/2016 05:18:11 pm

Have no. 5 covered on a daily basis for you.

Reply
MichelleTrimper link
6/20/2016 07:46:42 pm

Loves ya Steph!!!!

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Julie Francisco
6/21/2016 08:15:17 am

Michelle, you don't know me, but I happened to see your post via a Twitter feed. Having just gone through a cancer diagnosis and chemo, I can relate to every one of your suggestions, and I am lucky enough to have amazing friends and family who did so many of those things for me. Two other things that helped me enormously, and which might work for you, was receiving gift cards for grocery stores (taking time off from work and the extra medical bills hit us financially, so the gift cards were much appreciated), gift certificates for some of our favorite local restaurants (for those days we were just too sick or exhausted to cook, we got takeout), and having meals prepared for us (this was pre-arranged; one day of every week, a few days after chemo, my friend came to our house at dinner time with a completely prepared, hot meal. He' d contact us a few days before and ask us what types of food I could eat, etc. On my chemo days, my mother in law would come to my house and cook for us.) I will never forget how amazing my friends and family were during this crazy time of my life. Wishing you and Peter grace, love and friendship during this difficult time.....and yes, I am signed up as an organ donor.

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Mia Mauler
7/2/2016 05:27:20 am

My dear - sweet - most beautiful friend. I will be by later today with a meal for the 2 of you to enjoy when appetite is there. I want to see you, to hold you, to hug you and give to you all the healing energy I possess! I love you and I love Peter. Please be strong and I will see you later today! 07/02/16 ~

Reply
Shawn Wright
7/14/2016 05:15:41 pm

Michelle, I'm so sorry that I didn't know about this sooner. I'd have gladly helped, and still will if there is anything at all that I can do for you. You have my sincere condolences.

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