Will I ever fall in love again? I don't know. My last experience was so mind-blowingly beautiful that it is a ridiculously tough act to follow. But, if you've been following along, you know that Peter and I had a conversation long before he got sick. If anything was to ever happen to either of us, we would grieve with all of our hearts, and then go on and live a beautiful life. We also agreed that we would want each other to fall in love again.
There are people who wanted me to start dating 15 minutes after he died. There are people who say that I need to wait two years. The person who decides when, or if, is a panel of three people. Me, myself, and I. Could be tomorrow, could be never.
So on the days when I feel good enough to start to think about this in the abstract, I wonder what type of man I should date. What kind of man I could fall in love with. And what would that look like? What would he be like?
Its still a new moon, so I decided to make a list of what my ultimate man would be like. As my brilliant friend Sara likes to say, "I want all of this, or better." Lets face it. I can make a pretty nice life for myself on my own just casually dating here and there. So, heres what Id like, when and if Im ready, in my ultimate man.
He will understand, and not be threatened by the fact that Peter will always be a part of me.
He needs to be kind. To me, to The Humans, to animals.
He needs a great sense of humor.
He needs to be smart.
He needs to be interested in the world, people, and learning about new things.
He needs a sense of adventure.
He had to be comfortable around people of privilege and people who have nothing. And not look down on either of these groups of people.
He has to be comfortable in a five star restaurant or a corner pub. And be kind to the people in both places. And every place in between.
He must have good manners.
He needs to be so interesting that I could just sit and talk to him for hours. And listen to him.
He needs to care about hearing the end of my sentence.
He needs to care about my likes and dislikes.
He needs a great voice. What makes a great voice? I dont know. Ill know it when I hear it.
He needs to take care of himself and his health, but not be a fanatic about it.
He needs to be able to enjoy the company of my friends. There are lots of them. And they are about as diverse and eclectic as you could possibly imagine.
He needs to like to entertain with me. He needs to like a good party.
He needs to be open to going to hear music of lots of different genres.
He needs to like picnics and sunset dog-walks by the water.
Speaking of which, he needs to adore my dog, or at least treat her kindly.
I need to be able to just sit down on the porch with a good bottle of wine, and just look at the stars, and talk to him about stuff.
Speaking of which, no one who doesnt drink. No one who drinks too much. ( Ill decide whats too much. This is my list.)
He needs to be supportive and encouraging of my career.
He needs to be kind to my family and enjoy their company.
He needs to think the charitable stuff I like to do is cool, and want to support me in his attitude and sometimes, his time.
He will not make me feel stupid. Especially if I am asking him for help with something hes good at.
He will find ways to make me feel beautiful, special, and smart.
We dont have to agree on politics, but he needs to be able to discuss them without getting angry. And respect our differences and enjoy learning from each-other. He needs to not be completely obsessed with talking about politics.
He will not look down on people of other religions, or lack thereof. He will not look down on gay or transgender people. He will not be a racist.
He needs to travel well.
He needs the ability to come with me on the crazy adventures I cook up, and appreciate them and have a blast.
He needs to be able to both suggest, and accept, making plans. Inability to make plans is frustrating, disrespectful of my schedule, and an absolute dealbreaker.
Speaking of which;He will be prompt. Don't keep me waiting. I'm not a fan. At least don't make a habit of it.
He needs to embrace my quirkiness and not try to squash it.
He will think I'm beautiful and smart and be madly attracted to me. He will think that being with me is the best thing thats ever happened to him, and he wont be afraid to tell me.
I will be madly attracted to him.
Money is not important, per se, but he needs to be able to take care of himself, and sometimes, me too.
We will automatically find ways to help each-other every day.
He will appreciate my kind nature and the fact that I love with all of my heart.
He will not be afraid of love. Or if he is afraid, hell take a chance anyway. Because he realizes that Im worth it.
There are people who wanted me to start dating 15 minutes after he died. There are people who say that I need to wait two years. The person who decides when, or if, is a panel of three people. Me, myself, and I. Could be tomorrow, could be never.
So on the days when I feel good enough to start to think about this in the abstract, I wonder what type of man I should date. What kind of man I could fall in love with. And what would that look like? What would he be like?
Its still a new moon, so I decided to make a list of what my ultimate man would be like. As my brilliant friend Sara likes to say, "I want all of this, or better." Lets face it. I can make a pretty nice life for myself on my own just casually dating here and there. So, heres what Id like, when and if Im ready, in my ultimate man.
He will understand, and not be threatened by the fact that Peter will always be a part of me.
He needs to be kind. To me, to The Humans, to animals.
He needs a great sense of humor.
He needs to be smart.
He needs to be interested in the world, people, and learning about new things.
He needs a sense of adventure.
He had to be comfortable around people of privilege and people who have nothing. And not look down on either of these groups of people.
He has to be comfortable in a five star restaurant or a corner pub. And be kind to the people in both places. And every place in between.
He must have good manners.
He needs to be so interesting that I could just sit and talk to him for hours. And listen to him.
He needs to care about hearing the end of my sentence.
He needs to care about my likes and dislikes.
He needs a great voice. What makes a great voice? I dont know. Ill know it when I hear it.
He needs to take care of himself and his health, but not be a fanatic about it.
He needs to be able to enjoy the company of my friends. There are lots of them. And they are about as diverse and eclectic as you could possibly imagine.
He needs to like to entertain with me. He needs to like a good party.
He needs to be open to going to hear music of lots of different genres.
He needs to like picnics and sunset dog-walks by the water.
Speaking of which, he needs to adore my dog, or at least treat her kindly.
I need to be able to just sit down on the porch with a good bottle of wine, and just look at the stars, and talk to him about stuff.
Speaking of which, no one who doesnt drink. No one who drinks too much. ( Ill decide whats too much. This is my list.)
He needs to be supportive and encouraging of my career.
He needs to be kind to my family and enjoy their company.
He needs to think the charitable stuff I like to do is cool, and want to support me in his attitude and sometimes, his time.
He will not make me feel stupid. Especially if I am asking him for help with something hes good at.
He will find ways to make me feel beautiful, special, and smart.
We dont have to agree on politics, but he needs to be able to discuss them without getting angry. And respect our differences and enjoy learning from each-other. He needs to not be completely obsessed with talking about politics.
He will not look down on people of other religions, or lack thereof. He will not look down on gay or transgender people. He will not be a racist.
He needs to travel well.
He needs the ability to come with me on the crazy adventures I cook up, and appreciate them and have a blast.
He needs to be able to both suggest, and accept, making plans. Inability to make plans is frustrating, disrespectful of my schedule, and an absolute dealbreaker.
Speaking of which;He will be prompt. Don't keep me waiting. I'm not a fan. At least don't make a habit of it.
He needs to embrace my quirkiness and not try to squash it.
He will think I'm beautiful and smart and be madly attracted to me. He will think that being with me is the best thing thats ever happened to him, and he wont be afraid to tell me.
I will be madly attracted to him.
Money is not important, per se, but he needs to be able to take care of himself, and sometimes, me too.
We will automatically find ways to help each-other every day.
He will appreciate my kind nature and the fact that I love with all of my heart.
He will not be afraid of love. Or if he is afraid, hell take a chance anyway. Because he realizes that Im worth it.
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